That’s the Last Time I Try Barium As a Weight-Loss Drink

Librarian: Your card is locked because there appears to be ketchup or chocolate milk all over this book you returned. You have to pay for a replacement.
Patron: It’s vomit. I don’t do chocolate milk.
Librarian: You still have to pay.

Public library
Park Ridge, New Jersey

Overheard by: Part Time Librarian