Overheard In The Office 2017-09-24T06:42:29Z http://overheardintheoffice.com/feed/atom/ WordPress http://overheardintheoffice.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/cropped-office-favicon-32x32.png Office <![CDATA[Mom’s No Miracle Worker]]> 2017-09-24T06:42:29Z 2017-09-24T06:42:29Z Mom, as toddler runs into doorway: Look out, Helen Keller!

E Hadley Road
Indiana

Overheard by: Amanda

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Office <![CDATA[Um, This Is Chuck E. Cheese, Sir.]]> 2017-09-23T18:21:36Z 2017-09-23T18:21:36Z Manager on phone: Making kids restaurant-friendly… Here's a tip, hire a babysitter. The number one problem with the housing bust is that instead of moving out of my hip, edgy neighborhood when they want to start a family, couples can't, so they breed in place, which totally inconveniences me.

Dallas, Texas

Overheard by: iheartmaps

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Office <![CDATA[Hanging Out by the Water Cooler…]]> 2017-09-23T06:09:36Z 2017-09-23T06:09:36Z Woman #1: So my phone rings at like 2 in the morning and I was sleeping, so now I’m fricken pissed that my phone is ringing at 2 in the morning. It’s one of my husbands friends and he says, “I need a place to stay, I just got kicked out of my house. My brother–” blah, blah, blah, blah. So I told him he could stay for a few days, but only for a few and then he had to leave. So he said he’d be right over, and I waited and waited and waited. Well, the son of a bitch never came…So that ruined my whole fricken night! So my husband is still asleep, and I haven’t told him yet that his friend is staying at our house, but he wasn’t here yet so…So I go on doing my usual morning shit, and I go out to get the paper when something on the porch catches my eye. It was a bunch of garbage bags, and I’m thinking, “What the hell?”. Tom brought the garbage out, why the frick would he put it on the porch? So I walk over to go and put them in the garbage bin, when I see this huge man sitting on my porch. It was Tom’s friend, and I asked him how long he’d been out there. He said, “Since 1 AM.” And I’m thinking, “Jesus Christ, thank God my neighbors didn’t call the goddamn police.” I mean I can just picture this man sleeping on my porch, he’s so damn big…So I had this beached whale on my fricken porch all night long. So then I asked him if he wanted some coffee, and Orca comes in the house and tells me he got a ride, and that I needed to drive all the way out to Springville to get his van. His van that had no gas. Meanwhile, I still need to tell my husband…so I go in and I wake him up and I said, “Congratulations hon, we have a 400 pound baby boy.” He just looked at me like I was fricken nuts. So after I explained everything to him he came down, and you know…blah blah blah. I make the couch up for Orca and I put down some clean sheets, well the next morning I come downstairs and…he was laying on my couch with no shirt on. Ugh, I’m going to have to burn my couch. You don’t seem to understand how big he is. His stomach wasn’t even touching the couch. It was hanging off of it. When he sits down his belly button reaches his nose. He could probably use it as a beer holder. Well I hear this whirring noise and he’s got on a fricken oxygen mask, and honestly I didn’t know he couldn’t breathe…I mean, the man seems to smoke and drink just fine. But literally his stomach is so huge. He’s got a dickdo.
Woman #2: A dickdo?
Woman #1: When his stomach sticks out further than his dick do.

1695 E. Ave
Buffalo, New York

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Office <![CDATA[But With Better Healthcare]]> 2017-09-22T17:39:56Z 2017-09-22T17:39:56Z Coworker #1, looking at map of Canadia: I find it interesting that 90% of the people in Canadia live within 100 miles of the US border.
Coworker #2: Yeah, they're like the white Mexicans.

St. Louis, Missouri

Overheard by: durp

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Office <![CDATA[Let’s All Brush Up on Our Speakerphone Etiquette]]> 2017-09-22T05:28:29Z 2017-09-22T05:28:29Z IT guy on phone: Be ready when I get home.
(clicks it to speakerphone)
IT guy’s wife: Well, that is fine but I did not put the butt plug in the freezer yet.
IT guy: (clicks speaker phone off) Hey! Sorry, I know you hate the speakerphone…

Naval Base
Pensacola, Florida

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Office <![CDATA[Ooooh, “Whores”.]]> 2017-09-21T17:22:05Z 2017-09-21T17:22:05Z Secretary to boss: What? The legal department is corporate?

Manhattan, New York

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Office <![CDATA[The Colonel's Demon-Spawn Lives on in Michigan]]> 2017-09-21T05:20:00Z 2017-09-21T05:20:00Z Admin on phone: …and the baby smelled like fried chicken!

Grand Rapids, Michigan

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Office <![CDATA[1PM Lunch Break]]> 2017-09-20T17:16:13Z 2017-09-20T17:16:13Z Co-worker #1: I heard that the wood plant is going to take a floating holiday and shut down for opening day of hunting season.
Co-worker #2: Yeah, kind of like IT’s unofficial holiday for opening day of Star Wars.

901 44th Street SE
Grand Rapids, Michigan

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Office <![CDATA[Makes Me Grateful Just to Be Stupid]]> 2017-09-20T05:05:55Z 2017-09-20T05:05:55Z Office lady: This girl that was in the Paralympics has 1.5 arms and no legs below the knee. She won 5 medals in the games, and is an engineer.
Office guy: What? Like on a train?
Office lady: No… For BC Hydro, duh!

Vancouver
Canadia

Overheard by: LJ

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Office <![CDATA[My Career Is in Your Tiny Hands]]> 2017-09-19T16:56:26Z 2017-09-19T16:56:26Z Navy commander to his three-year old who’s locked herself in the connecting bathroom again: Susie*, open this door at once! I command you!

Visiting officer’s quarters, Tachikawa Air Force base
Tokyo
Japan

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