Archive for the ‘California’ Category

I'll Do My Best to Live Up to That. Now

Boss: You're out smoking again? I thought you were quitting?
Assistant: I start taking the Chantix tomorrow morning, smoke for a week and throw the cigarettes away and double the dose.
Boss: Okay, can I give you shit for it?
Assistant: All you want, I'll be a complete bitch and make your life hell.
Boss on intercom: Everyone, you have the next 2 months off: assistant is going to be a bigger bitch than usual.

Fountain Valley, California

Why “Can I Help You With Anything?” Can Be a Dangerous Question.

Large effeminate guy with German accent: These are the metallic pencils you do not have! (waves crayola box at employee)
Employee: Okay… Sir?
German guy: Do you know vat I am making? A portrait of Al Pacino! To really capture his manliness! Once I did a picture in charcoal but my art teacher said to really get the effect, I vould haf to burn it!

Joann's Fabrics
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: manybellsdown

Okay, So Part of That Was in My Head

Professor: A few years ago I had a student ask me for an alternative final because he had scheduled a vacation in Barcelona for the week of the final. I told him, ‘Die, yuppie scum! And no.’

Engineering building, UC Santa Cruz
California

Overheard by: Jessica P.

3PM Covering All the Bases

Employee: We just need the style guide to spell out everything, in complete detail. It’s mainly for like, legal reasons; to cover our bases.
Intern trainee: Oh. So I guess it’s like how blow-dryer labels say “do not put in mouth while in use.” Not like it’s a pressing issue, but there’s always that one retard that’s gonna fuck shit up.
Employee: Uh…sure.
Intern: OK, cool. As long as I’m getting this.

777 San Marin Drive
Novato, California

Overheard by: Max Guevara