Attorney: This work shit has got to stop. It’s really bringing me down.
301 Merritt Seven
Norwalk, Connecticut
Archive for the ‘Wishes’ Category
…As My “I Might As Well Be Pooping” Bumper Sticker Clearly States.
Sales rep #1: I wish we had cordless phones.
Sales rep #2: Why?
Sales rep #1: Well, if I’m going to be on hold, I might as well be pooping or something.
Fort Mill, South Carolina
The Highest Aspiration in Norristown
Young attorney #1: I look like an old woman in this coat.
Young attorney #2: Maybe a slutty old woman.
Young attorney #1: I wish I was a slutty old woman.
Norristown, Pennsylvania
I Find Birth Control Is the Best Mood Elevator
Office secretary: Beth* keeps me entertained.
Beth*: Yep, just give me a pill!
Pineville, Louisiana
Drive-Thru Duty at the Bangalore Call Center Is Lonely Work
Delivery lady, on phone: Okay, what can I get for you?
Customer on the other end: I’d like a medium pepperoni pizza with no sauce and a cherry coke.
Lady, typing on a computer: Okay, a medium pizza with no sauce, just plain cheese, is that correct?
Customer: No. With pepperoni. And a cherry coke.
Lady: Pepperoni… [types again] I’m just pushing all the wrong buttons tonight.
Customer: Yeah, I know what you mean.
Lady: It’s one of those days where you just shouldn’t have woken up, you know?
Customer: Uh… yeah.
Lady: At least it’s almost over though, right?
Customer: …right.…
Lady: So you said you wanted a medium pepperoni pizza, with no sauce, a side of ranch, and a cherry coke?
Customer: No side of ranch.
Lady: Awww, but ranch is good for you!
Customer: …no ranch, thank you.
Lady: Fine, goodnight. [hangs up phone]
Hanover, New Hampshire
Overheard by: Will
Tends to Happen When Your Officemates Are a Bunch Of Animals
Vet: Is Amanda* upstairs?
Amanda*: No, I’m downstairs.
Vet: Oh, she is? Okay, hold on.
(vet goes downstairs)
Amanda*: Did that really happen?
Vet tech: I dunno. I want a beer.
Veterinary Clinic
Mahattan, New York
Overheard by: Vicksburg
I’m Already Bottoming Out in My Career
Office monkey #1: Sometimes I think it’d just be easier to be gay.
Office monkey #2: Except for the butt sex.
Office monkey #1: …I could take it.
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Only woman here…
And Milk Your Condition for All It’s Worth?
Coworker #1: Hey, dude, can you cover the office this evening? I have the runs.
Coworker #2: No, I think my daughter wants me to pick her up.
Coworker #1: Dang, man, I guess I’ll just eat some cheese.
Mayport, Florida
Overheard by: Bluevain Thunder
Employees Were Surprisingly Enthusiastic About Ball-Gag Implementation
Woman in hallway: Well, let me just lick it, put it in my mouth and drool all over it.
Stafford, Virginia
I Love Holidays at Grandma’s House!
Office girl during lunch: I just want to move the nuts and eat the goo…
Lubbock, Texas
