Customer, trying to use his debit card: I gotta push “English”? “Spanish” shouldn’t be an option. If they can’t speak no English, they ain’t got no business being here. Where’s the “yes” button at?
Cashier: It’s the button that says “yes” on it.
Food Lion
Roanoke, Virginia
Secretary #1: Is Chicago near Detroit?
Secretary #2: I don’t think so. Chicago is in Illinois, isn’t it?
Secretary #1: Illinois…yeah, I think so.
Secretary #2: I think Illinois is pretty big.
Secretary #1: So that’s not near Detroit?
Secretary #2: Well, isn’t Detroit in Illinois?
Secretary #1: Uh, isn’t it? So are they close together?
8200 Greensboro Drive
McLean, Virginia
Co-worker #1: Goodness! I can’t tell you how dusty this thing is.
Co-worker #2: Why not?
Co-worker #1: Because I don’t know the proper units of measurement for dust.
105 Arbor Drive
Christiansburg, Virginia
Boss, singing: Blue and yellow! Yellow and blue! Blueeee! Yelloooooow!
Employee: Here she goes again.
Reston, Virginia
Overheard by: Carly
Peon #1: Did they steam clean our chairs this weekend like they were supposed to?
Peon #2: Doesn’t smell like it.
Richmond, Virginia
Manager: How we doin’?
Sales rep: Good!
Manager: Good.
Sales rep: Sales are good.
Manager: Good!
Chesapeake, Virginia
Overheard by: Project Manager
Woman in hallway: Well, let me just lick it, put it in my mouth and drool all over it.
Stafford, Virginia
Employee: Can I help you?
Customer: Hi. Yes, may I have a turkey artichoke panini?
Employee: No.
Customer: No?
Employee: No. We don’t have those.
Customer: But it’s right there on your board. Do you mean you ran out of them today?
Employee: Yeah, that’s what I said. Order the other turkey sandwich, it’s exactly the same.
Customer: Actually I think I’ll just have a salad.
Employee: I’ll be right back. [Goes in back room.]Employee: Did you hear what I just said back there?
Customer: Ummm… No.
Employee: Good. I mean, cause it wasn’t about you.
Customer: Ok…
Panera Bread Co.
Tysons Corner, Virginia
Secretary to irate victim on the phone: Well, ma’am, perhaps it would help if you could remember the name of the prosecutor who handled your case…
Irate victim: Well… I don’t remember his name, but I can tell you he was the meanest son of a bitch in that office!
Secretary, sighing: Ma’am, I’m afraid you’re going to have to be much more specific than that.
Virginia
Overheard by: Nice Little Lemur Girl
Contracts officer: Frankly, I think she’ll be tickled shitless…I could have said she’d be shittled titless, but I thought that would be offensive.
HR lady: This meeting has now offically gone on too long.
1010 North Glebe Road
Arlington, Virginia
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist