Professor #1: You know what I hate? There’s never any TP in the men’s room. You have to bring your own.
Professor #2: Yeah, I know. Unless you buy it at the vending machine.
Professor #1 unspools some paper from a roll on the coffee table.
Professor #1: I just hate using this roll. It’s like telegraphing the whole world you’ve gotta take a dump.
San 69 – 1
Churye 2‑dong, Sasang-gu
Busan City, South Korea
Overheard by: KGB
Professor #1: I’m going to go home and collapse. I’ll be back online later this afternoon.
Professor #2: How was the conference?
Professor #1: Oh, it was great. It was in Canada, so all the faculty were about smoking pot and nude beaches.
Professor #2: We have a beach! We have faculty!
Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: blackmail
Teacher: My birthday is tomorrow. I can’t believe I’m going to be 35!
Student teacher: I’m only 23.
Teacher: When I was 23, I was going to chapel at university while smoking pot!
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Overheard by: Really??
Trainee: This customer is mad because we won’t cover an accident that happened before he was insured with us. He won’t stop yelling!
Trainer: Ha! He’s gonna have to suck eggs on that one! Sucks for him. But seriously, go through the facts and dates with him and explain why we won’t cover it. Stay calm and apologize. You can do this!
Trainee, to customer: Thank you for holding. This… uh… Okay. My manager says you have to suck eggs, I’m sorry.
Riverview Parkway, San Diego
Woman trainer: The system is down today. I think I might go get a mammogram instead of working.
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Overheard by: Patrick
Professor: America is a melting pot.
Dude: America is not a melting pot… It’s more of a Lunchable. We are all in the same place, but we keep to our own little compartments.
1906 College Heights Boulevard
Bowling Green, Kentucky
Overheard by: hyacinth_hunter
Presenter: People never want to see Loss Prevention until they need them. But we’re friendly. Like the police in your town. I mean, don’t you think the police in your town are your friends?
The class stared back at him blankly.
10 Mountainview Road
Upper Saddle River, New Jersey
Undergraduate advisor: I’m coming around to the idea of casual sodomy.
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: count me in!
Professor: What’s the big deal? I don’t understand what I did wrong here.
Angry grad student: You put information in that grant that is absolutely wrong! You totally misconstrued the results!
Professor: Well…fine, but I said it was “early preliminary data,” so it should be okay.
Johns Hopkins University
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: LabCat
Professor: Do I need to sign something saying I signed something?
Langford Architecture Center, Texas A&M University
College Station, Texas
Overheard by: Faith
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist