Male employee #1: I am going out on a date tonight with a 4'11″ Filipina. She runs triathlons.
Male employee #2: That's short. You know, her head will be at about your stomach.
Male employee #1, after long pause: I kind of want her to break me.
Sacramento, California
Male cubicle dweller to another: Good Lord, we have a crackhead in the NASCAR!
Battle Creek, Michigan
Geek: I hate to break it to you, but surfers don’t wear coats.
William Street
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Misanthropic Scott
Boss to intern: The gym is a great place for networking. You tend to have a bit more pull with your colleagues when you see them naked in the locker room every morning.
Bellingham, Washington
Female coworker #1: By that time I was drunk enough to run in there myself. So I bought one of 'em. It was like a regular condom, but it had these little pink things…
Female coworker #2: You bought a french tickler?
Female coworker #1: Yeah! So we blew it up at our table and started using it as a volleyball. It was really fun for a while, and then I spiked it into the priest's head and we were asked to leave the reception.
Albany, New York
Overheard by: Doubled over Coworker
Male colleague to another, discussing fantasy football: You cannot make me happy unless you release all of your Johnsons.
Wilmington, Massachusetts
Library patron: It's not fucking inappropriate, it's fucking basketball!
Plymouth, New Hampshire
Guy with loafers but no socks on cell: Hi son, it's me. Am I going to see you at the club tonight, or are you staying home? Oh, okay. So did you switch your class schedule? So now you're taking gym instead of business law? Terrific! That's great. Okay, see you soon. Bye.
New Haven, Connecticut
Overheard by: who calls their son
Coworker #1, looking at whitewater rafting photos that coworker #2 is in: Those are really good pictures, did you take them?
Coworker #2: Uh, no, I'm in the raft, so that would be kinda difficult.
Beverly Hills, California
Office man: Obama even went down there to convince them that Chicago was the place for the 2016 Olympics.
Office lady: The International Olympic Committee just blasted their load in Obama's face, and I love it!
Baltimore, Maryland
