Office guy #1: Does this look hard to you? Feel it?
Office girl: I don’t really like it hard. I like it soft.
Office guy #1: I was thinking the same thing. Should we cut it off?
Office guy #1: Do you like it hard? Feel it.
Office guy #2: Do you know what this sounds like?
Sioux Falls, South Dakota
Employee on phone: My buddy just told me this story about how his wife was so drunk last weekend in a high-end club in the Hamptons, and she ran to the bathroom to puke but never fully made it to the toilet. On top of that, as she was puking everywhere, turns out she was also shitting herself. So now the whole club had to be closed down because it smelled like shit and puke. Isn’t that hysterical?
Boss walks in.
Employee to boss: Hey, do you know this club?
Boss: Yeah, I actually went there last Saturday night, but we left immediately because it smelled like shit and vomit.
60th Street & Madison Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: holding-it-in
Peon #1: Did they steam clean our chairs this weekend like they were supposed to?
Peon #2: Doesn’t smell like it.
Richmond, Virginia
Guy behind counter on cell: So I’ll be there soon.…What’s that sound?.…Oh, yeah! I thought I heard a tornado in the background!
Hall’s Archery Range
Manchester, England
Woman in hallway: Well, let me just lick it, put it in my mouth and drool all over it.
Stafford, Virginia
Director: I haven’t slept in 10 days!
Worker bee: Vickie has an amulet – try that.
Redmond, Washington
Office girl during lunch: I just want to move the nuts and eat the goo…
Lubbock, Texas
Exec, walking into his office: Woah, it smells like tuna in here! (smells his hands)
Kansas City , Missouri
Overheard by: staying WAY out of that one
Editor #1: Every time I see a picture of a Krispy Kreme doughnut, I drool a little. Even though I don’t really want one.
Editor #2: I’m that way with cocaine.
Indianapolis, Indiana
Deskie #1: What’s that smell? Sulfur? Rotten eggs?
Deskie #2: I have it figured out: It’s Halloween, and all these girls are walking around with nothing covering areas which haven’t been exposed in public since last Halloween.
Deskie #1: I don’t get why that is relevant.
Front desk, Central Michigan University
Mount Pleasant, Michigan
Overheard by: Not A Deskie
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist