Boss to intern: The gym is a great place for networking. You tend to have a bit more pull with your colleagues when you see them naked in the locker room every morning.
Bellingham, Washington
Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category
Open Marriage Is Free, but Not Easy
Office lady on cell: Yeah, I was supposed to have lunch with my husband, but he was busy with his girlfriends. (pause) Yeah, at least he tells me when he dates. (pause) Me? No, I just fuck whoever I want, and he can kiss my ass. (pause) Yeah, I am free Thursday.
Chicago, Illinois
Way to Be Inflexible!
Cube rat to another: I just wouldn’t be able to sleep with myself if I did something like that to someone.
Oceanside, California
Gotta Pray to Play
Female peon #1: It’s so hard to go out, never mind find a new guy. My ex and I both grew up in Randolph, so we know everyone. I can’t go anywhere without him or his friends being there.
Female peon #2: You should come to The Jug with me. I know plenty of guys your age.
Boss: You want to meet guys in a bar? You should get a nice guy from church.
Female peon #2: Are you suggesting that we work the church?
Avon, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Fae
For Reasons They Refuse to Explain
X‑ray tech: I just finished with Seaman. You know, his friends call him “cum.”
Lakeville, Massachusetts
I Hear in New York They’ll Deliver It 24 Hours a Day
Supervisor: I wonder if we could get her to move back here. What’s keeping her in Austin?
Worker: She has a boyfriend.
Supervisor: Come on! You can get dick anywhere!
Dallas, Texas
Yeah, Human Biology Really Is Creepy
Coworker #1: I think it’s creepy you kiss your dad on the lips. It’s like making out with your father.
Coworker #2: Why do you think that’s creepy?! I’m his daughter! His sperm is inside of me!
St. Louis, Missouri
Despite What You Read in the Gay and Lesbian Section
Butch chick: I read The Lion and the Mouse when I was young! It’s a story about how the lion got a thorn in his paw and the mouse helped him remove it, and they became friends.
Normal chick: What a stupid lion, why didn’t he just eat the mouse?
Butch chick: It’s a story of morality for children! Help someone, be friendly!
Normal chick: So?
Butch chick: You don’t eat your friends!
Borders
Melbourne Central
Australia
Overheard by: Incognito
And of Course He Was There at the Time
Bimbo: She really didn’t betray him other than sleeping with someone else.
1300 Riverside Avenue
Fort Collins, Colorado
Overheard by: dazed and confused
That’s Not Baggage — Those Are Wedding Gifts
Suit hanging up phone: I am so done with married chicks — they have too much baggage.
3250 42nd Street
New York, New York
