If There Are Complications, You Get a Set of Steak Knives

Patient: Do you offer any discounts if this is my second surgery?
Receptionist: Sure, we can throw in a free appendectomy or colonoscopy… Your choice.

Orange Avenue
Orlando, Florida

Behind the Flowering Ficus

Patient: Where’s the bathroom?
Receptionist: On your way out, you can just go in that corner.

Dentist’s Office
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: Avoiding the corner

That’s Coming from Her TV — It’s Stuck on Lifetime

Patient: Stop raping me!
Nurse #1: Did I just hear that?
Nurse #2: She has been yelling it all day.

Randolph Road
Plainfield, New Jersey

…According to the Latest Polling Data from a Random Sample Of Blind People.

Elderly lady patient: My eyebrows are growing back. I look like Drew Barrymore.

Tulsa, Oklahoma

But at Least You Stop Having Periods

Patient to neurologist, exiting examination room: Yes, it really makes you wonder if it’s worth it to go on, if you’re just going to end up a horrible vampire.

Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: so true

Best. Jenny Craig Ad. Ever.

Secretary: Are you gonna have a little bambino?
Slightly overweight patient: Uh, no. Just had a few too many cookies.
Secretary: Are you sure? Maybe I know something you don’t.
Slightly overweight patient: I am unable to conceive.

Rochester, New York

Hard to Tell, When There Are No New TV Episodes

Patient: What day is today?
Staff: Today is Thursday.
Patient: Hmmm… Is it last Thursday?
Staff: No, it’s this Thursday.
Patient: Oh.

Psychiatric hospital
Tulsa, Oklahoma

Overheard by: Another staff member

Waah Waah Waah

Nurse: I hate you, you’re so skinny.
Patient: I have Crohn’s disease.

Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: another patient

And More Besides

Doctor to inmate: So what are they accusing you of this time?
Inmate: Oh, they’re not accusing me, I did it.

County Jail Medical Office
Evansville, Indiana

Overheard by: Molly

I Have the Brain Injury; It Doesn’t Have Me

Very upset patient to patient coordinator: People think that because I have a severe brain injury I don’t know what I am talking about.

Atlanta, Georgia