Son, pointing to a tip can: Mom, what's that?
Mom: That's where they put all the naughty kids that are bothering the parents.
Son: No they don't!
Mom: It's true, you can ask the lady.
Grocery bagger: Yup, your mom's right.
Kailua, Hawaii
Overheard by: Worker #43
Boss’s 80-year-old dad: I don’t think I am going to keep my realtor’s license.
Boss’s 80-year-old mom: Okay… Then what are you going to do?
Boss’s 80-year-old dad: I’ll become a sex therapist!
126 York Street
Elmhurst, Illinois
Overheard by: Joanie
Man referring to stuffed beaver’s tail with ‘Do not touch’ sign: Can my daughter touch this?
Worker: No.
Man to daughter: You can’t touch it, honey, because Miss Sensory Deprivation over here wants you to touch with your eyes, not with your hands.
Sterling, Virginia
Dad: Honey, where’s your teddy bear?
3-year-old girl: Oh, the terrorist are hiding him.
Overlake Hospital
Bellevue, Washington
Overheard by: Nurse says what
Proud, jorts-wearing papa: Eric* is looking more like a Saskatchewan every day, with his big feet and all that hair.
Conrad Sauer Drive
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Jacob
Woman to child: Some people are just wicked. Put that pumpkin back.
Wal-Mart
Aberdeen, Washington
Four-year-old kid to dad: Dad, how old will I be when I'm a Jedi knight?
Barnes & Noble
Manhasset, New York
Overheard by: Jen
Mother on phone with family member: Look, you're going whether you want to or not. Just tell people it's a malignant.
Gaithersburg, Maryland
Concerned mother on phone: My son just informed me that the room deposits are due tomorrow.
Secretary: Yes.
Mother: But I’m in Germany, and if I mailed in the money it would take two weeks.
Secretary: Your son could pay with a debit card or cash.
Mother: I gave him a debit card and he lost it.
Secretary: Uh-huh.
Mother: … My son is a goddamned idiot.
Virginia
Ghetto woman: I’m only here because I got a gift certificate. I hate Manhattan. I never come here. I can’t stand it. Everyone is just so rude. All the time. So rude. I would never be able to keep my mouth shut to some of these people.
Nail technician: Where do you work?
Ghetto woman: Over here, at sixth and 23rd. I hate it though. That’s why I live out in the county.
Nail technician: Oh! Where do you live?
Ghetto woman: Brooklyn. Tommy! Sit still in that chair for godsakes!!
14th St & 6th Ave
New York City
Overheard by: seriously?
