Actually, No One; I’m Just Here for the Bud Light

Rep #1: You’d think they’d put them away in the winter time.
Rep #2: Put what away?
Rep #1: Those.
Rep #2: The Ferris wheels?
Rep #1: Yeah, so they don’t get all wet and snowed on.
Rep #2: Okay, where would you want to put them?
Rep #1, exasperated: I don’t know; a garage?
Rep #2: Who the hell hired you?

Louisville, Kentucky


All They’re Good for Is Committing Bank Robberies

Woman: Be still, we have to wait for our turn.
Kid: Why are we here?
Woman: We’re returning a package.
Kid: Why?
Woman: Because I don’t want it.
Kid: What’s in it?
Woman: I don’t know. I think it’s pantyhose.
Kid: You don’t want the pantyhose?
Woman: No, I don’t want the pantyhose.
Kid: Why?
Woman: Because pantyhose are evil.

Post office
Leander, Texas

Overheard by: Faedorah

Where Do You Think I’m Calling You From?

Boss on speaker phone: So I need you to give me those files, like, in five minutes.
Employee: Um.
Boss: I’m serious. I want them in my hand in five minutes.
Employee: You know that I work at home, right?
Boss: So?
Employee: So I live forty-five minutes away from your so-called “office”…Speaking of which, did you ever get that toilet out of the hallway?

3207 Hayloft Court
Frederick, Maryland

Overheard by: Ren