1PM Fol­low­ing Up on Fax

Ad­min on phone: I’m sor­ry I just want­ed to dou­ble check that you re­ceived it. I am a bit of a wig­ger.
Pause.
Ad­min: Wig­ger? You know, I wig out about stuff.
Pause.
Ad­min: No, I don’t know an­oth­er mean­ing to the word wig­ger, but I guess it’s bad since your’re telling me not to say it.

333 Ear­le Boule­vard
Union­dale, New York

Which Is Why It Can’t Be the Oth­er Guy I Slept With

Very white girl in busi­ness suit on cell in cafe­te­ria: No, I haven’t told him yet, I just found out for sure this morn­ing. (pause) Well, I don’t have his phone num­ber any­more, I took it out of my phone so I would­n’t drunk di­al. (pause) I don’t know, I know his ad­dress, so maybe I’ll just send him a card. “Ros­es are red, vi­o­lets are blue, I’m hav­ing a ba­by, and so are you”. (pause) Hey, maybe a singing telegram to him at work. That’ll go over big. (pause) He’s an el­e­men­tary school teacher… that would prob­a­bly get him fired. (pulls out ghet­to ac­cent) And you know my ba­by dad­dy bet­ter have his­self a job!

Prince­ton, New Jer­sey

Over­heard by: Cur­rrly!

Well Done, Dear Col­leagues!

Cowork­er ar­riv­ing at of­fice: I ex­pect to be greet­ed with bright, chip­per voic­es in the morn­ing.
Voice down the hall: Shut the hell up!

Gov­ern­ment Of­fice
Wash­ing­ton, DC


You Don’t See East­ern Eu­ro­pean Women Bang­ing in­to Ta­bles

Cowork­er #1, af­ter bang­ing in­to side of ta­ble while round­ing the cor­ner: You know what, if I had whiskers, I would­n’t have this prob­lem. Cats have whiskers and that’s how they know they can fit in­to some­where. They use it to bal­ance. If I had whiskers, I would know if I could fit around this space and not bang in­to any­thing! My cats have bal­ance. Whiskers would make me bal­anced.
Cowork­er #2, laugh­ing: Yeah, whiskers would solve the prob­lem.

Man­hat­tan, New York