Dan’s Discount Dungeon

Female staffer #1: Yeah, we need to get us a gas-powered hedge trimmer.
Male staffer: Yeah, we have an electric, but it’s battery-operated. And the battery only lasts about ten minutes, so it’s like Extreme Speed Trimming. We have to get to that bush fast before the battery runs out.
Female staffer #2: Are y’all talking about vibrators?
Male staffer: Uh, well, sort of, except this one has teeth that chop long skinny things in half.
Female staffer #2: Oooh, kinky! Where’d you get it?

10 Medical Center Boulevard
Winston-Salem, North Carolina

We Think This Quote Is Kind Of Awesome

Secular Muslim salesgirl #1: What do you think of what I am wearing?
Secular Muslim salesgirl #2: I’m glad you asked, it’s bizarre. Why are you wearing such a short skirt? It’s winter! And is that shirt actually lingerie? And why are you wearing a veil? Especially with all this? I’ve never seen you wear a veil!
Secular Muslim salesgirl #1: My grandmother put glue in my shampoo bottle to try to force me to cover my hair and dress more conservatively. I didn’t have time to fix it. I had to wear a veil. And the rest… well, I couldn’t let her win.

Clothing Store
Sarajevo
Bosnia and Herzegovina

1PM Lunch

Suit #1: So how have you been lately?
Suit #2: Eh, you know, overworked.
Suit #1: Yeah, same here…By the way, nice tan you’ve got there.
Suit #2: Thanks, you too.

590 Madison Avenue
New York, NY

…“Oral Skills a Big Plus”…

Office worker: Check out this description in this help wanted ad. “Customer relations: Must have the ability to communicate effectively both internally and externally with all customers.”

Aspen, Colorado

They Smell Like Victory!

Asian coworker, looking up abruptly: You know that smell that you get in your nose when you’re done smelling something? I smell meatballs.

St. Cloud, Minnesota

Is Body Size the Last Acceptable Prejudice? Discuss.

Coworker: Dude, what’s the best Chinese place for lunch?
Overweight secretary: Ruby Foo’s, just below us!
Coworker: Thanks! (aside) See, the whale’s good for something.

Manhattan, New York

…At Length, If Necessary

Manager: So Mike* is leaving.
Office peon #1: Will anyone notice? What does he do, anyway?
Office peon #2: He’s a fluffer.
Office peon #1: What?!
Office peon #2: What? He, y’know, fluffs out his job so it looks like he’s doing more than he is.
Manager to office peon #1: After the meeting, you explain.

Brisbane
Australia

Overheard by: EarleyDaysYet

“Free-Range” Is Also Acceptable

Cube rat #1: My mouse is being such a pain lately.
Cube rat #2: You should get one of those mouses that, y’know, doesn’t have a cord. Oh, man, what are those called, again?
Cube rat #1: Um, a cordless mouse?

Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: I work with monkeys

Both Equally Likely During Our Staff Meetings

Colleague #1: I wish it had been killer badgers.
Colleague #2: It’s always badgers with you, isn’t it? Badgers, or sex.

Digbeth
Birmingham
England

Overheard by: editorialgirl

11AM Meeting with NJ Branch Folks

Co-worker on phone: When you get out of the subway station start walking North–
Manager: Don’t tell them that…your North is different from my North and it’s a tarantula downpour outside. You don’t want them walking the wrong way in the rain.
Co-worker: Everyone’s North is the same and it’s torrential downpour.
Manager: Everyone’s North is the same? I always get my Norths mixed up.

535 8^th Avenue
New York, NY

Overheard by: Angie Rowe