Patient: I’m worried about this birthmark.
Doctor: Birthmark, you say? How long have you had it?
Portland, Oregon
Goodness, Mr. Lay, Your Firm’s Financial Report Certainly Is Heavy!
Customer: Why is your store so big?
Salesgirl: [Silence.]Customer: I’m an accountant — I notice these things.
Chocolate store
North Plainfield, New Jersey
Overheard by: Other Salesgirl
5PM Hell, Take All Weekend
Sales: [Diana] is freaking out. What should I tell her?
Consultant: Just tell her to chill.
Sales: Well, how long should I tell her to chill?
Consultant: Until the next episode.
2135 Rimrock Road
Madison, Wisconsin
Consider an Infusion of Cash
Distracted CSR: Thank you for calling, my name is Aaron*, how can you help us today?
Airport Road
Scottsbluff, Nebraska
Overheard by: snorting coffee
…While He’s Sleeping.
Coworker: We can look at his package.
Fort Worth, Texas
Kirstie Alley? Definitely Drunk Right Now
Lady #1: … But he’s drunk all the time.
Lady #2: Everyone’s drunk all the time. I might be drunk right now!
8140 Lehigh Avenue
Morton Grove, Illinois
Overheard by: Amanda
Upside to Immigration ‘Wall’: It’ll Put an End to Conversations Like This
Office troll #1: Gosh, there were a bunch of Mexicans at lunch today. Where do you think they all came from?
Office troll #2: Mexico.
Dallas, Texas
Let’s Eat Our Ramen Dinners Together Tonight
Recent male college grad: So I just quit my job…
Recent female college grad: Oh my god, that’s awesome!
Recent male college grad: I love our age group- everyone’s excited and envious of me ‑and not appalled…
San Francisco, Califronia
Overheard by: Still Employed… Unfortunately
Maybe Mix It with Stoli?
Girl at desk: My friend told me about how they paid two grand to freeze the stem cells from her son’s umbilical cord so it could save his life or something later.
Guy at desk: Why don’t they just have him drink the fluid out of the umbilical cord?
Male coworker: Orrr they could just put the stuff in the freezer.
3111 S. Range Line Road
Joplin, Missouri
When It’s Kill-or-Cure Time
Coworker to another who’s holding McDonald’s: God, I love the taste of sausage when I’m hung over.
1500 NW 118th Street
Des Moines, Iowa
Overheard by: Trevor
