1PM Lunch

Staff #1: Does any­one know what that sign refers to?
Se­nior As­so­ciate: Which one?
Staff #1: The one that says “2121 Lunch E On”.
Staff #2: Did you just say “Lunch E On”?
Staff #1: Well, what does it say?

2345 Crys­tal Dri­ve
Ar­ling­ton, Vir­ginia

Over­heard by: Ten Kay

The Zen Oven Is Gen­er­al­ly Low-Main­te­nance

Man­ag­er on phone with re­frig­er­a­tion com­pa­ny: That oven that nev­er comes on but is al­ways on? It did­n’t come on.
An­swer­ing ser­vice: Would you please re­peat that?
Man­ag­er: You know, that oven that nev­er comes on but is al­ways on? Well, it did­n’t come on.
An­swer­ing ser­vice: Thank you, sir. I’ll let the ser­vice rep know.

Restau­rant, Slide Road and Loop 289
Lub­bock, Texas

2PM Meet with Hos­pi­tal Client

Co-work­er #1: What did that guy do? Why is he a pris­on­er?
Co-work­er #2: I don’t know. I asked him, and all he said was, “It’s a long sto­ry.” Who knows? He’s prob­a­bly a child mo­les­ter or some­thing.
Co-work­er #3: Maybe he had sex with a horse or some­thing.
Co-work­er #1: I don’t know, I would think that would be a rel­a­tive­ly short sto­ry. Like a one-lin­er.

100 East Car­roll Street
Sal­is­bury, Mary­land

12PM In­ven­to­ry

Em­ploy­ee: Hey, I have an open hour to­day. Is there any­thing you need?
Su­per­vi­sor #1: Um, yeah. One of the ceil­ing tiles broke, and they don’t make that type any­more, and in or­der to get an es­ti­mate re­do­ing all the ceil­ing tiles, I need you to go around and count them.
Su­per­vi­sor #2: Yeah…but in the cor­ners: you know how they aren’t full tiles? You need to mea­sure them and fig­ure out what per­cent­age of a full tile it is. You know, so we can get an ac­cu­rate as­sess­ment.

30 min­utes go by.

Su­per­vi­sor #1: Are you se­ri­ous­ly count­ing all of those tiles?
Em­ploy­ee: Yeah, why? Oh, man. Fuck you guys.

11161 Mill Val­ley Road
Om­a­ha, Ne­bras­ka

Over­heard by: Bronx­ie