Oblivious female coworker trying to drink soda through a straw: I think it’s broken. I keep sucking and sucking, but nothing comes out.
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
The Technology’s Not Quite There Yet, Bob
Coworker #1: About that e‑mail you sent… Do you want me to copy the file onto a disc and mail it or do you want me to send the file as an e‑mail attachment?
Coworker #2: So you can’t just copy the file to a disc and e‑mail the disc?
Brentwood, Tennessee
9AM Back to Work
Older dude: You know, you shouldn’t bite your nails.
Executive assistant: You shouldn’t be a drunk.
45 West Portal Avenue
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Jerkey
1PM Lunch
Staff #1: Does anyone know what that sign refers to?
Senior Associate: Which one?
Staff #1: The one that says “2121 Lunch E On”.
Staff #2: Did you just say “Lunch E On”?
Staff #1: Well, what does it say?
2345 Crystal Drive
Arlington, Virginia
Overheard by: Ten Kay
When the Middle Class Goes Slumming
Mature female manager #1: Let’s get beer in paper bags and drink them on the train!
Mature female manager #2: Cool! I’ve never drunk beer out of a paper bag!
Manhattan, New York
The Zen Oven Is Generally Low-Maintenance
Manager on phone with refrigeration company: That oven that never comes on but is always on? It didn’t come on.
Answering service: Would you please repeat that?
Manager: You know, that oven that never comes on but is always on? Well, it didn’t come on.
Answering service: Thank you, sir. I’ll let the service rep know.
Restaurant, Slide Road and Loop 289
Lubbock, Texas
They Merge Cells. There, I Said It!
Managing editor on speakerphone: Do you know how to adjust columns in Excel?
Assistant: No…
Managing editor: What do you know?
Assistant: Um… I know that when a man and a woman get together, they–
Managing editor: –Come to my office.
Camden Street
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Ren
That Goes Double for You, Bob
Manager: Okay, bitches. At this beach party I want y’all to take care of business down South. I don’t want no hairy pussy to attack me while I’m tanning. [All female coworkers nod and walk away.]
Fulton Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: coworker
2PM Meet with Hospital Client
Co-worker #1: What did that guy do? Why is he a prisoner?
Co-worker #2: I don’t know. I asked him, and all he said was, “It’s a long story.” Who knows? He’s probably a child molester or something.
Co-worker #3: Maybe he had sex with a horse or something.
Co-worker #1: I don’t know, I would think that would be a relatively short story. Like a one-liner.
100 East Carroll Street
Salisbury, Maryland
12PM Inventory
Employee: Hey, I have an open hour today. Is there anything you need?
Supervisor #1: Um, yeah. One of the ceiling tiles broke, and they don’t make that type anymore, and in order to get an estimate redoing all the ceiling tiles, I need you to go around and count them.
Supervisor #2: Yeah…but in the corners: you know how they aren’t full tiles? You need to measure them and figure out what percentage of a full tile it is. You know, so we can get an accurate assessment.
30 minutes go by.
Supervisor #1: Are you seriously counting all of those tiles?
Employee: Yeah, why? Oh, man. Fuck you guys.
11161 Mill Valley Road
Omaha, Nebraska
Overheard by: Bronxie
