CSR: I’ll need your credit card information before I can let you in at my lady parts.
1745 West Jefferson Avenue
Detroit, Michigan
Overheard by: looking for my credit card
I Thought the Americans Were the Balmy Ones
Employee: Did you hear, there was another bombing on the subway in London?
Boss: I don’t care how balmy it is in London, I wouldn’t go over there right now.
217 10th Street
Brandon, Manitoba
Canadia
From the Runaway Best Seller ‘Affirmations for Stupid People’
Manager, to himself: I am a ball of fire. I am a BALL OF FIRE.
Far reaches of Eugene, Oregon
Anyway, I Already Ate Richard’s Foot Skin
Broker #1: Okay, here’s one: would you rather lick the bulge on Jimmy’s leg or eat the skin that Richard peeled off his foot last year?
Broker #2: As sick as this sounds, I’d take Jimmy’s bulge in a second. I had to sit next to Richard. His foot had a crack in it so deep you could stick a pencil in it.
Chicago, Illinois
Which I Saw at a Carnival Once
Guy reading note: That’s his handwriting? It looks like a retarded fourth grader writing with his left foot.
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Guy Who Does His Hair at Work
A Lot Of Guys Would Be Gay, If It Weren’t for the Sex
Gay coworker to straight coworker: Hey, look, it’s my work husband–love you!
Columbia, Pennsylvania
He Hates It When You Use ‘Abomination’
Student #1: I thought Dan* hated it when you used the word ‘retarded.‘
Student #2: No, Jen* is retarded, Dan is gay.
6450 South Fiddlers Green Circle
Greenwood Village, Colorado
Overheard by: Toddd
Because Man Do I Need to Pass Today’s Compulsory Drug Test
Nurse with very thick accent: Hi, what’s your name?
Patient: Huh?
Nurse: That’s nice, can I have a urine sample?
Highland Avenue
Phoenix, Arizona
Sarah Palin’s Original Platform in Alaska
Girl to coworker: I can’t stop complaining, I’m a woman!
Hudson Street
New York City, New York
This Is Just Like That Erin Brockovich Incident
Intern: I wish I could remember Matt Damon’s name in Good Will Hunting…
Santa Fe Building
Denver, Colorado
