Recruiter on phone: He’s a hell of a configurer, but he just couldn’t stay off crack.
Durham, North Carolina
Archive for the ‘North Carolina’ Category
Whatever, Mom
Cashier: Hi! How are you doing?
Customer, sighing: I’m 83 years old, my kids don’t visit me and when they do their kids annoy the fuck out of me, I haven’t had sex in 20 years, and you’re out of my favorite ice cream.
Cashier: Look, lady, I didn’t really care — next time just freaking smile and say, ‘I’m fine, how are you?’ Now… Have a good day.
Customer: Thank you. See you tomorrow.
Piggly Wiggly
Farmville, North Carolina
Overheard by: MB
4PM Coffee Break
Sales guy #1: You know, this hand sanitizer stuff. Can you like.. wash with it?
Uncertain silence.
Sales guy #1: Like, wash your whole body?
Sales guy #2: Well, you’re going to need a bigger bottle.
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
2PM Follow Up with HR
Secretary: I could swear that I read that if you have a death in the family you automatically get two days off.
Nurse: Well, I looked it up in the protocol. You can have days off, but they’re just regular PTO.
Secretary: Right, I know they’re PTO, but I swear I read that they’re automatic if you have a death in the family.
Nurse: No, it’s like any other PTO, you have to have them approved by your supervisor.
Secretary: I swear I read that you get those days off for a family death.
Nurse: Well, I’m sure every supervisor would be happy to quickly approve your PTO if someone dies.
Secretary: Yeah, but I swear I read somewhere that you get two days automatically for that.
Nurse: Please, tell me one more time about how you read that somewhere.
Medical Center Boulevard
Winston-Salem, North Carolina
Without a Quorum No Meeting Can Break Out
Worker bee #1 walking up to group of coworkers: Hey, here’s two of the people I’m looking for.
Worker bee #2: Scatter!
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
When the Dimmest Screen in the Office Encounters the Brightest
Branch manager: Your monitor is so bright! I love it! It’s got to be the brightest screen in this office!
Sales guy: Uhhh…
Branch manager: It’s like a hospital computer or something! It’s that bright!
Sales guy: … Well, I was out sick last week…
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Let Me Just Unzip My Briefcase
Male visitor: I am here because of a class that I missed due to my court case. She (points to professor) told me I could get credit if I showed her my subpoenas.
Campbell University
North Carolina
You Know It Doesn’t Involve Real Fire, Right?
Branch manager: What do you want me to do? Do you want me to fire him? I’ll fire anyone — I don’t care!
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Or, As I Affectionately Call Him, “G Love”
Employee on phone: G as in ‘Jesus.’
8604 Cliff Cameron Drive
Charlotte, North Carolina
Another Victim Of a Misleading Midas Muffler Promotion
Cube dweller: Just like men can get breast cancer, women can get prostate cancer. My gynecologist screens all his patients for it.
North Carolina
Overheard by: Not too worried about it
