Senior consultant: Hey, what’s the difference between four and five?
Consultant: How am I getting paid less than you?
Waterloo, London
Overheard by: he said what I was thinking
Archive for the ‘Money’ Category
3PM Coffee Break
Receptionist: So this guy calls for [Kyle]…I give him the voice mail. I knew the next ring would be him…he calls back. “I’m trying to get ahold of [Kyle] and I keep getting an answer machine.”…Gah!…That’s what happens when we pay 10K for a phone
system so people get their messages. So then the prick is like, “So is he there or isn’t he?” And so I’m like, “Yes sir, I realize
that you keep getting his voicemail. He is with a client, and all
messages go straight to our agents via voicemail.” And he’s like,
“Well, I don’t want to leave a damn message, you tell [him and
his wife] they just lost out on a sale! I guess they’re too busy
for me!” So then I’m all kiss-ass and like, “Well, I’m sorry sir, they are both with clients at the moment. We are a busy office. Would you like me to take a message?” And then he tells me, “No, just never mind and it’s their loss.” I hate stupid people.
Assistant: Some people are like Slinkies: not really good for
anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push
them down a flight of stairs.
M‑28 East
Munising, Michigan
If Ever There Were a Need for a Longer Pause…
Cube dweller: Hey Liz*, wanna hear something crazy?
Liz*: Sure.
Cube dweller: That stock I bought is up 900% today.
Liz*: Which stock?
Cube dweller: That gay stock I bought! 900%!
Liz*: Gay stock…?
Cube dweller: Yeah – that gay tv network stock. I knew it! Gay tv, yes!
Liz*: Well, good for you…
Cube dweller: Man, my butt is so sore today…
Warren, Michigan
Overheard by: Your what is sore?!
Could We Talk about Baltimore Again, Please?
White coworker: So, you’re from Baltimore, right?
Black coworker: No, everyone thinks all there is to Maryland is Baltimore. I’m actually from a small town called Upper Marlboro, which is closer to D.C.
White coworker: Really? Baltimore is cool. Is where you’re from like Baltimore?
Black coworker: Oh, no, it’s very different. In fact, people from Baltimore don’t like people from P.G. so much. They say we’re bourgeois, stuck up, and that we act like white people. But we don’t act white, we just have money.
29th Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: Laughing inside
No One Has Ever Done That
Crazy coworker, on saving money: You can live without toilet paper, because you could just use Kleenex instead, but you can’t live without steak!
Collegeville, Pennsylvania
Since I’ll Never Find One Who’s Willing to Marry Me
Smirky coworker in room full of women: Well, two thirds of the people in the US who make minimum wage are women, so it’s not my problem.
Rochester, New York
NewsFlash: Canadia’s Economy Mysteriously Falters!
Geeky cashier: How are you pay’n for this?
Guy in a hurry: Cash.
Geeky cashier: Like cash, cash?
Guy in a hurry: What?
Best Buy
Newmarket
Ontario, Canadia
11AM Company Meeting
Employee #1: So you’re saying the rumors about the possible merger aren’t true?
Board Member: Yes. It’s like we’re dating. We’re going out but we haven’t kissed yet.
Employee #2: You may not have kissed yet, but it sure seems like you’re sleeping together.
1500 Wallace Boulevard
Amarillo, Texas
Garnishing Assholes Seems Like a Very Specific Sexual Fetish
Employee #1 to employee #2: Hey, what’s that called when they take your money out and you have no control?
Employee #2: Fucked?
Employee #3: Garnish, you assholes!
Wyandotte, Michigan
Overheard by: Tom
As Discussed in the Classic Children’s Book Llama Llama, Lost Her Momma
Coworker: So she was telling me she had no money to pay her bill because she invested all her money into a llama farm, and then the llamas got slaughtered.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: WD40
