Meetings

Employee #1: Can you print the report for the meeting?
Employee #2: Should I print a copy for everyone who will be there?
Employee #1: No, one should be fine; all 15 of them can crowd around and look at it together.

2240 North 1st Street
San Jose, California

Event planner: Don't you think we should have background music?
Manager: That would be too expensive.
Event planner: What about just one person playing a harp?
Manager: Do you know someone?
Event planner: Yeah. I know a harpoonist.

St. Louis, Missouri

Overheard by: Tim

Magazine writer #1: So, it turned out the chick I took home from the party was a gymnast!
Staff members: Wow… That’s hot… Lucky git…
Magazine writer #2: Why, what’s so great about gymnasts?
Magazine writer #1: Um… Well, they’re really flexible…
Magazine writer #2: Oh, well, you should see the guy gymnasts, then!
Staff members: [Silence.]

35-51 Mitchell Street
Sydney
Australia

Overheard by: and he’s OUT!

Presenter: We're going to go over our organization's strengths and weaknesses now. So, do you want to talk about how much we suck or how much we rock first?
Audience member: That's what she said.

STAND Conference, Harvard
Cambridge, Massachusetts

Boss: So, uh, essentially, this meeting is about a meeting we’re going to have. Sometime.

375 Hudson Street
New York, NY

Lowly assistant: We are supposed to have our monthly, quarterly, and annual goals prepared for Tuesday’s meeting.
Lawyer: Really? Tell the office manager to send me everyone else’s goals.
Office manager: I probably won’t have them before the meeting.
Lawyer: But I don’t know what my goals are.

1500 Market Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: It’s Comcastic

Facilities manager to entire staff: And for the men in the office, please don't spit chew into the urinals, as it can clog the pipes and is very difficult to remove.
Engineer, joking: Oh, I see, single out the men. What about the girls?
Female QA manager, who actually chews: We don't spit, we swallow.

Boise, Idaho

Overheard by: testcenter cowboy

Contracts officer: Frankly, I think she’ll be tickled shitless…I could have said she’d be shittled titless, but I thought that would be offensive.
HR lady: This meeting has now offically gone on too long.

1010 North Glebe Road
Arlington, Virginia

Manager at meeting: Dusty is the only person cooperating here–he hasn't said a thing!

Carrollton, Texas

New employee: Did you say to never schedule a meeting in the cafeteria or the nursing mothers station?
Experienced employee: Never in the nursing mothers station!
New employee: But the cafeteria doesn't have a phone…

Greenfield, Indiana