Op: You know what would make a great pet?
Ernie: No, what?
Op: A badger.
Ernie: Yeah, great. Great at ripping human flesh off.
Op: Exactly, burglar protection.
Ernie: No, I was talking about your flesh.
Op: Oh… I can take it.
Boston, Massachusetts
Archive for the ‘Massachusetts’ Category
As Cain Said to Abel
Cube dweller to another: I have time to beat you, but I don’t have time to stop.
Malden, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Dan
I Just Call Random Numbers to Keep People on the Level
Guy on phone: You gotta fuckin’ tone it down, dude. I’m a fuckin’ salesman, and I’m tellin’ you, you gotta fuckin’ tone it down. I like you. I’m tellin’ you this because I like you.
Guy on speaker: Thanks.
Guy on phone: But you gotta fuckin’ tone it down.
Guy on speaker: Could you please tell me what this is in regards to?
Boston, Massachusetts
To Be Fair, I Think Ann Coulter’s Just Hungry.
Coworker #2: She just looks that way, it’s her default face.
Coworker #1: Well, her default face looks like someone murdered her puppy.
Springfield, Massachusetts
Gotta Pray to Play
Female peon #1: It’s so hard to go out, never mind find a new guy. My ex and I both grew up in Randolph, so we know everyone. I can’t go anywhere without him or his friends being there.
Female peon #2: You should come to The Jug with me. I know plenty of guys your age.
Boss: You want to meet guys in a bar? You should get a nice guy from church.
Female peon #2: Are you suggesting that we work the church?
Avon, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Fae
For Some Reason, People Don’t Take Us Seriously
Presenter: We’re going to go over our organization’s strengths and weaknesses now. So, do you want to talk about how much we suck or how much we rock first?
Audience member: That’s what she said.
STAND Conference, Harvard
Cambridge, Massachusetts
They’re Made with Those Broccoli Pigs
Self-important guy: Most hot dogs in the US are pretty much vegetarian anyway.
Lexington, Massachusetts
Overheard by: amused and disgusted
Jeez, No Wonder Campaign Finance Reform Is So Hard
Woman on phone with client: Let me put this to you another way: you pay for four hours with a whore. You buy her a catsuit. At the end of that time, you don’t own the whore. You may still retain the catsuit but what good will that do you, since you’re a 45-year-old balding fat guy? You might as well leave the catsuit with the whore.
Defense Contractor
Andover, Massachusetts
Plus It Keeps Going Rogue and Disappearing
Employee to another: We’ve got to take down this Palin display. It’s upsetting the customers.
Bookstore
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: erica
Loves Burping the Air Out
Dude: Why you goin’ to a tupperware party? You’re a grown-ass man, dawg!
10 Coventry Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: supremo
