Intern: Lou* just said he really likes my sense of humor! He said I’m self-defecating! Can you believe it? Lou thinks I’m self-defecating — he thinks I sit in my own shit! Lou’s so cool.
Lou, two cubes away: I said ‘self-deprecating,’ you idiot.
Intern: Oh.
6707 Democracy Boulevard
Bethesda, Maryland
Overheard by: One cubicle over
Broker: I’m going to grab some lunch; if my wife calls, tell her I’m not going down tonight. She’ll just have to wait until tomorrow.
250 West Pratt Street
Baltimore, Maryland
White HR director: I’ve never touched someone’s head like that before! I touched it, and it was all wavy. I told him, you’re the first African-American person’s head I’ve ever touched. You should feel honored.
8900 Kelso Drive
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Just an office girl…
CEO on sales pitch: When businesses first started creating web pages on the internet, it was kind of like having sex with your daughter — everyone was talking about it, but nobody really knew what they were doing.
Prospective client: Well… My daughter is eight, so I don’t think she’s having sex with anybody.
8737 Colesville Road
Silver Spring, Maryland
Admin chick: Here’s a fan for your office.
PhD Chick: What’s this for? To like cool me off?
Baltimore, Maryland
Paralegal: So, should I go ahead and do a dump on the computer?
Seneca Meadows Parkway
Germantown, Maryland
Employee on phone: I was just calling to confirm that we can show your house all this weekend. I know you don’t usually show on Saturdays, but since you’ll be out of town for the weekend, can we show on Saturday also?
Eccentric homeowner: Oh, no! The Sabbath is for eternity!
Real estate office
Annapolis, Maryland
Overheard by: K the Amazing Receptionist
Sheepish cube dweller trying to be quiet: Yeah. This is Angie* from last night. I think I left my gym shoes in your car last night when we were done.
Rockville, Maryland
Overheard by: Septimus
Leasing rep: Well, the girl was 14 and her mother’s 21! How is she going to learn anything with a mother like that? And the grandmother is only 32!
Randallstown, Maryland
Overheard by: tkap
Worker: First, go to the website. [says URL]Customer: Do I need to go online first?
Maryland
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist