Lawyers

Attorney: Wait until I get into my fecal matter/colon thing.

New York City, New York

Secretary: Oh wow, these are good.
Attorney: What are you eating?
Secretary: They are meatless meatballs.
Attorney: So essentially, you’re just eating balls.

1050 Thomas Jefferson Street NW
Washington, DC

Attorney on phone: Well, I’m really sorry you’re going to jail. But you still need to pay our bill.

110 North Washington Street
Rockville, Maryland

Overheard by: Odd

Partner: Fuck that!…Fuck you! I am not cheap! I want what’s rightfully my client’s!

200 Park Avenue
New York, NY

Overheard by: GJG

Lawyer #1: I now ask that this binder be admitted into evidence.
Lawyer #2: We would object to that, Your Honor.
Judge: What is your basis for introducing this into evidence?
Lawyer #1: The “moving things along faster” basis.
Judge: Denied.

500 Pearl Street
New York, NY

Legal assistant #1: Do you know Andy Samberg?
Legal assistant #2: Yes.
Legal assistant #1: What was his other song? Not “I'm on a boat”…
Legal assistant #2: “Jizz in my pants”?
Legal assistant #1: Oh, I thought it was “jizz on my face”. Wait… Am I on speakerphone?
Legal assistant #2: Yes.
(office erupts in laughter)

Irvine, California

Overheard by: Legal Amusement

Attorney: I drank 14 beers last night.
Admin: You counted?
Attorney: I counted this morning. That was a solid performance, if I do say so myself.

Pearl Street
Austin, Texas

Legal eagle #1: What’s this little ‘C’ in a circle next to a year supposed to mean?
Legal eagle #2: That’s the year the company that published that got its corporate seal.
Legal eagle #1: Oh, okay.

3400 North Charles Street
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: Doctor Whom

Attorney: I heard [the client] was whiny.
Client in waiting room: I’m whiny because I’m sick and this is the first time I’ve left the house.
Attorney: Oh shit.

110 N. Washington Street
Rockville, Maryland

Overheard by: Joan

Lawyer on phone: Ya know, I wasn’t really paying attention to what you were saying, but I am leaning towards agreeing with you.

St. Petersburg, Florida

Overheard by: IWNDRY