Especially with Buzz Aldrin Chewing Your Ear Off

Voice in next cubicle: I forgot how much I hate space travel.

Fort Leavenworth, Kansas

Or I Could Just Steal One from the Shopping Center

Coworker #1: Artificial insemination?
Coworker #2: That way I could have a kid without whoring myself around as much.

Kansas

The Two Major Choices for Young Ladies Nowadays

Cubicle mate on phone: Yeah, that’s so me. Wait, now what is this called? Well I’d rather be a dog walker than a porn star!

Topeka, Kansas

An International Passport Breakfast, Please

Waitress: How are you doing today, sir?
Man: I’m on work release.
Waitress, suddenly nervous: Oh… okay. I’ll be right back.

Pancake house
Lawrence, Kansas

Overheard by: Rachel

With a Shout-Out to the Salt and Grease Groups

Manager lady #1: I guess I stocked up ‑I mean, I got Doritos! Do those count?
Manager lady #2: Yeah, they do, they’re one of the food groups.
[pause]In unison: Corn.

Kansas City, Kansas

Overheard by: can’t believe i work with them

12PM Update Personnel Files

Manager #1: Are you sure you don’t need anything more? We’ve got the extra money to spend.
Manager #2: Haven’t you heard? I’m cheap and easy. It doesn’t take much to please me.
Peon: That’s what I read on the intranet last week.

5442 Martway Street
Mission, Kansas

Overheard by: Office Gnome

I Think Bill O’Reilly’s Sticking to TV This Election

Sales guy #1: I’m worried about the primaries. I mean, if Obama runs, I would vote for him over the Republicans.
Sales guy #2: Sure.
Sales guy #1: If Hillary runs, I would vote for Satan over her.

Bonner Springs, Kansas

Ever Tried Smoking a Tagalong?

Co-worker #1: Oh my god, girl scout cookies should so be illegal.
Co-worker #2: Yes…I have five boxes on my desk as we speak!
Co-worker #1: At least with crack you lose a lot of weight.

Wichita, Kansas

3PM Ordering Supplies

Secretary: My pencil drawer is broken. It needs a new twisty nail.
Boss: Twisty nail?
Secretary: Yeah, you know, with the X‑groove on top.
Boss: You mean a Phillips-head screw?
Secretary: Whatever.

118 East Whittier
St. Francis, Kansas

That’s What Chickens Do, Alice

Very upset office lady: I can’t believe she is downstairs eating corn while you are printing this out!