Illinois

Office lady on cell: Yeah, I was supposed to have lunch with my husband, but he was busy with his girlfriends. (pause) Yeah, at least he tells me when he dates. (pause) Me? No, I just fuck whoever I want, and he can kiss my ass. (pause) Yeah, I am free Thursday.

Chicago, Illinois

Intern to coworker: Are you guys talking about me? I heard the word 'slut.'

Chicago, Illinois

Dumb girl: Why do they call it ‘Chicken Cordon Bleu’?
Dumb guy: Uh, duh! Cor-don-bleu… It means ‘ham-and-cheese’!

Rockford, Illinois

Law clerk #1: Yeah, we got our class ranks last week.
Law clerk #2: Ugh! My school is taking forever. I should write them a letter. I'm so mad. I just want them to know how incontinent they are.

Chicago, Illinois

Manager, training new employee: If they call and are interested in strap-on play and ask for, say, mistress Lola, tell them she's been roaming the halls with her strap-on, humping the walls.
New employee, with wide eyes: Really?
Established employee, passing by: Only on Sundays.

Grand & Ogden
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Yes, It's a BDSM Dungeon

Woman on phone: Tomorrow I have to go to the alternation place to get my dress alternated.

Schaumburg, Illinois

Overheard by: Emily

Boss: Wait, what’s ‘fornication’? I don’t know that word. Is it like fighting?
Coworker: Uh, no. It’s like sex.

Roselle, Illinois

Overheard by: my vocabulary is better than yours

Coworker #1, dropping summer sausage for lunch: Hey, you want some of my sausage?
Coworker #2: Only if you wash it off first.

Bourbonnais, Illinois

Overheard by: the closet is my office

Girl #1: How do you spell “apost to”?
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: You know, like, “I’m apost to go the store.”
Girl #2: Do you mean “supposed to”?
Girl #1: Yeah. Is “apost to” not a real word?

111 E. Wacker Boulevard
Chicago, Illinois

Cube dweller: I’m having two feelings in one day, which is unheard of.

1301 Central Street
Evanston, Illinois

Overheard by: cbn