General Idiocy

5PM That’s a Wrap

Co-worker: Oh, I keep having these irrational dreams too. The other night I dreamt that I made this little mistake and it brought down like the entire company. And in the papers it said, “entire company went down because of this one stupid assistant!” And everyone knew my name and I couldn’t get a job anywhere, so I have to move to Europe and marry a guy to get my visa. Then I was a product of domestic abuse because he knew I was co-dependent on him.

175 5th Avenue
New York, NY

Overheard by: Peter H

5PM That’s a Wrap

Worker #1: How do you spell “vulnerable”? V-u-n-e-r-a-b-l-e?
Worker #2: No, it has an “l” in it. V-u-l…
Worker #1: Pfff, no. It’s v-u-n-e-r-a-b-l-e.
Worker #2: It has an “l” in it. V-u-l-n-e-r-a-b-l-e.

Worker #1 gets the dictionary and struggles to find it under v-u-n.

Worker #1: Oh…How peculiar! Hang on.
Worker #2: V-u-l-n-e-r-a-b-l-e. Would you like me to give you the Latin root and related words? Vulnerare…vulnus…
Worker #1: Well, I never! It has an “l” in it! Well, well. You don’t pronounce it like that, though. What’s the “l” for?
Worker #2: …It’s for making it a real word.

200 Green Lanes
Palmers Green, London
UK

Overheard by: Peachey

4PM Launch Meeting

Project Manager: So it sounds like the only thing holding us back from launching early is being ready.
Meeting: …

1900 Prairie City Road
Folsom, California

Overheard by: Sumeet

9AM They’re At It Again

Co-worker #1: Don’t you think the enter key is kind of phallic? You know–how it’s all “enter” with an arrow pointing?
Co-worker #2: Huh. Yeah. Weird.
Co-worker #1: And there’s the backspace button too. Arrow points the same way.
Co-worker #2: Yeah, maybe that’s so gay people don’t feel left out?

350 Madison Avenue
New York, NY

5PM That’s a Wrap

Cubicle #1: I seriously just saw the churchy lady feel some guy up right now.
Cubicle #2: What?
Cubicle #1: Yeah. he looked horrified too.
Cubicle #2: Huh. What kind of “feeling up” are we talking here?
Cubicle #1: I’ll show you when I go down there.
Cubicle #3: Sounds good.

350 Madison Avenue
New York, NY

1PM Lunch

Co-worker #1: Did you know that the egg yolk was never able to be a chicken unless it’s fertilized?
Co-worker #2: Yeah, I mean, like eating this hard-boiled egg is like eating the eggs that you expel during your period.
Co-worker #1: Yeah, like right now I mean, you could get down and just lap it up.

845 United Nations Plaza
New York, NY

Overheard by: Sharon

11AM Close Deal

Sales: You quoted 3 different prices to this customer.
CEO: You’re not calling me an idiot, are you?
Sales: I’m saying that having been given all the facts you made 3 incompatable decisions.
CEO: That’s sufficiently blameless.

12819 Coit Road
Cleveland, Ohio

10AM Update Report

Assistant: How about an update on the report for the database we talked about last week? Have you gotten to that yet?
IT: I’m not sure which one you’re talking about.
Assistant: Well, currently there is a cross-tab that displays home addresses and a cross-tab that displays financial aid, but we need a report to show us the student records by state with home address, and we need a find-sort for all students with financial aid and a hold on their account.
IT guy: …Um, I couldn’t tell where that sentence began and where it ended.
Dean’s assistant: Neither could I.

633 Main Street
Burlington, Vermont

1PM Lunch

Worker: [The boss] treats me like I’m his little daughter or something. That’s a lot of pressure. I can’t be perfect all of the time.

180 East Ocean Boulevard
Long Beach, California

12PM Programming

Front Desk: What does code 99499 mean?
Coder: “You’re a dirty whore.”
Front Desk: They have codes for that?

675 North St. Clair Street
Chicago, Illinois

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