Executive #1: You go first.
Executive #2: Why?
Executive #1: I always go first…I don’t know what your problem is.
Executive #2: I don’t have a problem; why can’t you just go up the stairs first?
137 Ocean Avenue
Lakewood, New Jersey
Archive for the ‘Executives’ Category
I’m Told It’s Hypnotic to Watch
Exec #1 to exec #2: Does it matter if there’s more than one person?
Exec #2: No, I’ll just jiggle them around. Let me know who and I’ll start jiggling.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: officedrone
All I Want Is a Hand-Turkey for Thanksgiving. What Do I Get? Two Lousy Short Stories about Pilgrims!
Manager #1: My kids SUCK at arts and crafts.
Manager #2: No glitter? No glue? No macaroni or popsicle sticks?
Manager #1: Holy shit, no. They are the epitome of suck.
West Irving Park Road
Roselle, Illinois
So It Looks Good in Tight Buns?
VP to general counsel: A nine-inch wiener is a nine-inch wiener. You’ve got to make it look pretty.
850 Bryant Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: IC Balaam
2PM Layoff Announcements
Exec: Nobody walks around in culottes unless there’s something important going on.
150 5th Avenue
New York, NY
Why Do You Think We Hired Her?
Female account exec #1: How do you pronounce Leslie’s* last name?
Female account exec #2: “Scrotum?“
Female account exec #1: “Screwum?“
Female account exec #2: I guess there’s a lot of bad ways you can pronounce her name.
New York City, New York
But Now, of Course, There’s a Manual
CEO on sales pitch: When businesses first started creating web pages on the internet, it was kind of like having sex with your daughter — everyone was talking about it, but nobody really knew what they were doing.
Prospective client: Well… My daughter is eight, so I don’t think she’s having sex with anybody.
8737 Colesville Road
Silver Spring, Maryland
The A is for A‑hole
Producer: Hey Nick, let’s hook this up ASPA.
355 W. 52nd Street
New York, NY
5PM That’s a Wrap
Suit #1: Are you going to the farewell party for [Liz]?
Suit #2: I don’t know yet. Does she know she’s leaving or is it a surprise party?
3 2nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
Let Us Pour Libations and Examine the Entrails of a Goat
Clueless VP, whispering right after lightbulb has exploded: What does it mean?
Park Avenue
New York City, New York
