Visiting client, waiting for elevator: You’re right. Putting shampoo and conditioner in the same bottle *is* more economical.
(jittery laughter)
Manager: It just makes sense, you know? Why have two when you can have just one?
Coworker, after client and manager get in elevator: That was the worst example of small talk I have ever heard.
Chicago, Illinois
Customer: Hello, Phyllis, how are you today?
Worker: I’m not Phyllis, I’m Kay.
Customer: Your name tag says Phyllis.
Worker: No, it doesn’t. It says Kay, see? P‑H-Y… oops!… wrong name tag.
Westmoreland Mall
Greensburg, Pennsylvania
Geeky cashier: How are you pay’n for this?
Guy in a hurry: Cash.
Geeky cashier: Like cash, cash?
Guy in a hurry: What?
Best Buy
Newmarket
Ontario, Canadia
Presenter: We’re going to go over our organization’s strengths and weaknesses now. So, do you want to talk about how much we suck or how much we rock first?
Audience member: That’s what she said.
STAND Conference, Harvard
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Bar patron #1: You gonna have another drink?
Bar patron #2: No, I gotta get home before mid-life.
36th Avenue and Arctic Boulevard
Anchorage, Alaska
Overheard by: thinking it was already too late
Delivery lady, on phone: Okay, what can I get for you?
Customer on the other end: I’d like a medium pepperoni pizza with no sauce and a cherry coke.
Lady, typing on a computer: Okay, a medium pizza with no sauce, just plain cheese, is that correct?
Customer: No. With pepperoni. And a cherry coke.
Lady: Pepperoni… [types again] I’m just pushing all the wrong buttons tonight.
Customer: Yeah, I know what you mean.
Lady: It’s one of those days where you just shouldn’t have woken up, you know?
Customer: Uh… yeah.
Lady: At least it’s almost over though, right?
Customer: …right.…
Lady: So you said you wanted a medium pepperoni pizza, with no sauce, a side of ranch, and a cherry coke?
Customer: No side of ranch.
Lady: Awww, but ranch is good for you!
Customer: …no ranch, thank you.
Lady: Fine, goodnight. [hangs up phone]
Hanover, New Hampshire
Overheard by: Will
Bewildered call agent: No, ma’am, “Seattle” is not spelled with a “c,” if it were it would sound like… “cattle.”
Yakima, Washington
Overheard by: Moooo
Bank teller: Ma’am, from now on if you want your balance you’ll need to request it.
Customer: How do I request it?
Bank teller: Well, ma’am, you just ask me for it.
Houston, Texas
Employee: Can I help you?
Customer: Hi. Yes, may I have a turkey artichoke panini?
Employee: No.
Customer: No?
Employee: No. We don’t have those.
Customer: But it’s right there on your board. Do you mean you ran out of them today?
Employee: Yeah, that’s what I said. Order the other turkey sandwich, it’s exactly the same.
Customer: Actually I think I’ll just have a salad.
Employee: I’ll be right back. [Goes in back room.]Employee: Did you hear what I just said back there?
Customer: Ummm… No.
Employee: Good. I mean, cause it wasn’t about you.
Customer: Ok…
Panera Bread Co.
Tysons Corner, Virginia
Customer: I need to get a dozen and a half, mixed.
Clerk, counting on her day-glo orange fingernails: It’d be cheaper if you got 18.
Customer: What’s the difference?
Clerk: ten cents.
Smirking customer: Ok, I’ll take 18.
Dunkin’ Donuts
Columbia, South Carolina
Overheard by: are u kidding me?
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist