Op: You know what would make a great pet?
Ernie: No, what?
Op: A badger.
Ernie: Yeah, great. Great at ripping human flesh off.
Op: Exactly, burglar protection.
Ernie: No, I was talking about your flesh.
Op: Oh… I can take it.
Boston, Massachusetts
Archive for the ‘Coworkers’ Category
Especially with Buzz Aldrin Chewing Your Ear Off
Voice in next cubicle: I forgot how much I hate space travel.
Fort Leavenworth, Kansas
Or I Could Just Steal One from the Shopping Center
Coworker #1: Artificial insemination?
Coworker #2: That way I could have a kid without whoring myself around as much.
Kansas
Right Up There with the “Do You Need to Refrigerate Ketchup?” Debacle Of 1997
Visiting client, waiting for elevator: You’re right. Putting shampoo and conditioner in the same bottle *is* more economical.
(jittery laughter)
Manager: It just makes sense, you know? Why have two when you can have just one?
Coworker, after client and manager get in elevator: That was the worst example of small talk I have ever heard.
Chicago, Illinois
I’m Telling
Middle-aged man #1 on speakerphone: You’re a poo-poo head.
Middle-aged man #2: Well, you’re a pu-pu platter!
Dupont Circle
Washington, DC
3PM Snack Break
Co-worker #1: Hey, did you all bring in cookies?
Co-worker #2: God, you’re like a shark when there’s blood in the water.
3701 Wayzata Boulevard
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Ah, Now I Remember. “You’re Fired.”
New HR clerk: Hey, I forgot what I just said. What did I just say?
Old HR clerk: Sorry, but I’m still busy trying to remember your name.
5760 Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
Tonight’s Movie: Debbie Does Droids
Lady peon, imitating a robot: I love you. I love you, too. We should swap transmission fluids.
135 West 50th Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: Lowly Human
It Sounds Like You’re Talking About Cheese
Office guy #1: Does this look hard to you? Feel it?
Office girl: I don’t really like it hard. I like it soft.
Office guy #1: I was thinking the same thing. Should we cut it off?
Office guy #1: Do you like it hard? Feel it.
Office guy #2: Do you know what this sounds like?
Sioux Falls, South Dakota
3PM James’ Birthday Thing
Birthday: Thanks.
Office: Speech!
Birthday: I want you all to know that this is the oldest I’ve ever been.
150 River Street
Hackensack, New Jersey
