Business analyst on phone: Hey, what do you need? The name of the user guide? It's the digital one… No, the digital guide. You know, like Digital Underground, only without Tupac… No, biggie wasn't in Digital Underground… Humpty Hump was… No, the guy with the gold nose… Okay, it's “h”… “u”… “m”…
Chantilly, Virginia
Overheard by: CubeRat
Coworker, smelling vegetarian lunch: Eww! It stinks in here! Is that my burp or Scott's balls?
Fall River, Massachusetts
Manager: You know, breast augmentation is becoming a much more popular as a graduation gift.
715 Locust Street
Des Moines, Iowa
Marketing manager: Do you want some vegan nuts?
Operations wonk (after long pause): I don't think you should ever say that to me again.
Rockville, Maryland
Overheard by: Septimus
Admin: You know that guy upstairs? Dan*? He pinched me with a pair of tweezers on that fatty bit you get on your hips and it *really hurt*. So I went back and burned him with a spoon.
Crewe
England
65-something delivery man to 30-something female receptionist, as she bends over to lift printer:
Oh, wait, let me do that. I don't want you to hurt your ovaries.
Denver, Colorado
Male boss, on phone with male contractor: I'm tellin' ya, man. I need nine inches!
Wentzville, Missouri
Male in next cubicle, about a scar: I have one, but it's under my pants.
Female work bee: Well, let me see it. (pause) Wow, that's huge!
Male: I know, I've had it since I was little.
El Paso, Texas
Overheard by: Daniel
Soldier #1: Sir, are you going to do anything while on leave?
Lieutenant, sitting in the one shady spot in the blazing heat: Yeah, I think me and my cousin are going to get some fuckin beers, get all smashed, go out and get tattoos. It's gonna be cool shit. Grab some brews, bitches…way cool.
Soldier #2, walking up: Yeah? Are you going to get a tattoo of a penis on your forehead, dickhead?
(shocked silence)
Lieutenant (thoughtful): Naw…fuck that.
Iraq
Overheard by: TK- soldier#3 almost peed stopping from laughing
Male cubicle dweller #1: Tell you what, if you grow your hair shoulder-length, I'll braid it for you.
Male cubicle dweller #2: Deal!
Male cubicle dweller #1: Do you want me to sign a post-it or something… like a contract?
Male cubicle dweller #2: No, I trust you.
Laurier
Ottawa
Canadia
Overheard by: They had no idea I was here
