Archive for 2021

But God, I Miss Sales!

Em­ploy­ee #1: It on­ly stays smooth like a baby’s bot­tom for about 12 hours.
Em­ploy­ee #2: Maybe… And you’ve got to lube it up pret­ty good.

1200 Wood­ward Heights
Fer­n­dale, Michi­gan

That Means It Likes You

Stu­dent hand­ing back pro­fes­sor eval­u­a­tion: Sor­ry about the goo — it’s just from when my com­put­er oozes, you know–
TA: –Your com­put­er oozes? That does­n’t sound like a good thing…
Stu­dent: No, it on­ly oozes when it’s hot!

1156 High Street
San­ta Cruz, Cal­i­for­nia

Have You Con­sid­ered Not Sleep­ing?

Teacher: Ex­plain that to me again.
Par­ent: I just don’t gets it. I’s lay with a man, and he gets me preg­nant.
Teacher: Are you se­ri­ous?
Par­ent: Look, bitch, I gots me sev­en kids, and I don’t know where they be comin’ from. You gots to help me. I goes to sleep, and then I’s wake up preg­nant.
Teacher: Look, I’m re­fer­ring you to the coun­selor. This is out of my hands.
Par­ent: Bitch, that ain’t gonna help!
Teacher: Look, I don’t have a di­rect line with Je­sus to help you out, so the coun­selor is the next best thing. Got that, bitch?

Las Ve­gas, Neva­da