Pretty blonde girl: Umm, excuse me, but do you have a tampon? I’m desperate.
Obese, sassy librarian: Yeah, I have one. But it’s inserted.
Monson Free Library
Monson, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Sarah
Archive for 2021
Mr. Magoo Wouldn’t Listen, Though
Boss in hallway (with hand on doorknob): Are you joining me in this conference room?
Peon: That’s the closet.
Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: just another peon
But God, I Miss Sales!
Employee #1: It only stays smooth like a baby’s bottom for about 12 hours.
Employee #2: Maybe… And you’ve got to lube it up pretty good.
1200 Woodward Heights
Ferndale, Michigan
…Even If Many Of Them Are Cold Bitches.
Cool office guy: So do you do a lot of skiing?
Typical office worker: Oh, yeah.
Cool office guy: Yeah, you look like the type.
Typical office worker: Huh… Thanks?
Cool office guy: Oh, yeah. It’s cool. I love skiers and snowboarders.
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: Tim
That’s Offensive– The Correct Term Is “Mentally-Challenged Simians”
IT manager to employee: Blind, drunken, retarded monkeys coded this thing, I swear to god. Sorry, I blew up. Honest to god.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Not usually a monkey
That Means It Likes You
Student handing back professor evaluation: Sorry about the goo — it’s just from when my computer oozes, you know–
TA: –Your computer oozes? That doesn’t sound like a good thing…
Student: No, it only oozes when it’s hot!
1156 High Street
Santa Cruz, California
…According to My Profile on Sugardaddies.com.
<b>customer service manager:</b> are you free?
<b>sales manager:</b> hell no, I’m expensive as fuck!
Fort Mill, SC
Captain Obvious Has Bowel Movements, Too
Guy in stall #1: Hey, what’s up? Yeah, okay. You still wanna do that today?
Massive eruption occurs from next stall.
Guy in stall #2: Huh? Oh, that… I’m taking a shit right now…
Livermore, California
Overheard by: Stephen
I’ll See It in Nightmares for the Rest Of My Life
Woman in cubicle to peon: Did you see me do the donkey face?
Malden, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Better than a punch
Have You Considered Not Sleeping?
Teacher: Explain that to me again.
Parent: I just don’t gets it. I’s lay with a man, and he gets me pregnant.
Teacher: Are you serious?
Parent: Look, bitch, I gots me seven kids, and I don’t know where they be comin’ from. You gots to help me. I goes to sleep, and then I’s wake up pregnant.
Teacher: Look, I’m referring you to the counselor. This is out of my hands.
Parent: Bitch, that ain’t gonna help!
Teacher: Look, I don’t have a direct line with Jesus to help you out, so the counselor is the next best thing. Got that, bitch?
School
Las Vegas, Nevada
