Archive for August, 2021

Who’s on (Safety) First?

Receptionist: Hello! Thank you for calling Avon Safety*, where safety comes first. How may I direct your call?
Voice #1: How do I direct the call?
Voice #2: [indecipherable]Voice #1: I don’t know. That’s all it says…
Receptionist: Hello? This is not a recording.
Voice #1: She said it’s a recording.
Receptionist: No! This is not a recording! Hello?
Voice #1: What do I do?
Voice #2: Hang up.

Avon, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Fae

Your Ideas All Have Two Tails and Misshapen Heads

Male coworker: It’s like the client is the ovum — no… No… Yes, the ovum. And my ideas are the sperm and the boss is the scrotum and the creative department is the shaft and my sperm keep on trying to get in the egg — they try and they try — and some of them are strong and good swimmers and some are, like, dormant–
Female coworker, interrupting: –Stop.

Ad agency
New York, New York

Overheard by: Dr Phyllis

Old, Stupid Birds, Maybe

Person #1: This phone app updates both Facebook and Twitter.
Person #2: So it’s a mechanism for tweeting.
Person #3: Birds call that a “beak”.

Madison, Wisconsin

Overheard by: Victor Ponelis