Guy #1: How was your weekend?
Guy #2: Good. I ran some errands. I got my car waxed and sodomized.
33 Maiden Lane
New York, NY
Archive for June, 2021
Chinese Restaurants in Particular
Salesgirl: How was your first trip to New York? Have a good time?
Salesman: Oh my god, it was awesome! All the restaurants we went to were amazing! So expensive, though.
Salesgirl: Yeah, Manhattan’s pretty pricey.
Salesman: Yeah. (pause). I think the restaurants are expensive because they have to import all their supplies onto the island.
Studio City, California
Overheard by: goofopet
…What Do You Mean They’re Pooping Rubber?
Camp coordinator on cell with staff: So wait… They took your shoes and started chewing on them? (pause) But are your shoes okay now? (pause) Well, that’s good then, at least. Sometimes I wonder why I work with children.
Ontario
Canada
Overheard by: Camp really is a magical place…
Meanwhile, Rome Burned.
New girl: I’m going downstairs for a smoke before we start checking over. Do you want to come?
Supervisor: No thanks, I just think I’ll sit here and fiddle…not with myself!
New girl: Whatever you want to do in your own time.
Supervisor: Hur-hur, yeah, I just sit here and fiddle with myself to unwind. (later, realising new girl has left) Fiddle.
Chiswick Park
London
England
Overheard by: choking on a coke
5PM That’s a Wrap
Sales #1: Have you called any previous customers yet?
Sales #2: I’ve called customers till I’m blue in the ass.
973 Opelika Road
Auburn, Alabama
Overheard by: Rob Byrd
10AM Client Meeting
Boss: You know that project we just finished?
Lackey: Yes.
Boss: We need a project plan that details what we did, how we did it, and how long it took.
Lackey: Um, I don’t know that.
Boss: Me neither, but the client will be here in an hour and they want to see a plan.
10000 Linn Station Road
Louisville, Kentucky
North Carolina, the Fugue State
Records tech: I used to have more vacation time before I worked [in this department]! But I guess since I started taking vacations…
Manning Drive
Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Overheard by: seftiri
This Week I’m Speed-Reading a Case of Châteauneuf-du-Pape
Manager: Instead of wine night, we call it ‘book club.’
1400 Douglas Street
Omaha, Nebraska
Overheard by: Doug’s Mom
…Senator.
Coworker, on phone to client: We provide all sorts of services, it just depends on whether or not you’re willing to pay for them.
Edmonton
Canadia
Because, If So, You’re Right!
Boss: So, what do you like about working here?
Employee: Well, I really like that working here, you have your hands on the pulse of campus.
Boss: I’m sorry, did you say “the balls of campus”?
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: Didshereallythinkshesaidthat?
