Woman: Do you work here?
15-year-old: No, sorry.
Uniformed Sales: Um… I do
Brooklyn, New York
Overheard by: hiding in the pants behind you
Archive for April, 2021
Yo Quiero Matarle
Redneck employee: So, what do you call a quesadilla?
Latina employee: Quesadilla.
Redneck employee: Really? Just ‘quesadilla’?
Latina employee: [Silence.]Redneck employee: How do you say ‘salt’?
Latina employee: [Walks away.]
1720 Indian Trail Lilburn Road
Norcross, Georgia
The Horror. The Horror!
Corporate suit: They were wearing, like, you know, trashy Old Navy golf shirts.
Plainsboro, New Jersey
Overheard by: Wow.
Um, Unless That’s You, Lord
Automated computer voice on elevator: Second floor. Going down.
Old man: Uh, up yours.
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Up it to what?
Where There Are No Gentry
Male coworker: I don’t understand gentrification. I’m from Idaho.
Chicago, Illinois
Tell Me How You Know That
Older receptionist: I can’t believe they’re making such a big fuss over Tom Brady’s baby. I mean, you know he’s going to be a great dad. He’ll pay for everything. That kid is going to be very well-endowed.
Secretary: Uh… Right…
200 Clarendon Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: secretariat
Why Bondage Suits Were Banned from Casual Fridays
(sound of whip cracking)
Next cubicle coworker: Ahh, my eye!
Mission Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Ian
I Also Thought Ginsberg Was, Like, an Herb.
Coworker: Here it is: “Allen Ginsberg was a 60s era poet, most notable for the poem Howl.” Oh. I thought it was about werewolves, or vampires or something…
Long Island, New York
You Assume I’m a Bottom?
Cubicle dweller #1: What better way to die, backpacking across Antarctica?
Cubicle dweller #2: I can see the headline now, “Man dies while being sodomized by a leopard seal.”
Church Street
Nashville, Tennessee
Keith Gets 30 Days in the Hole
Manager to three people working in cubicle: What are you all doing in here?!
Male coworker: There’s a dead mouse in my cube.
Lady coworker: This is Keith*. He’s a temp, but there’s nowhere for him to sit, so they’re all in my cube.
Manager: What are you doing about the mouse?!
Male coworker: Some guy came up and removed the filing cabinets and found the mouse. But he had to call a guy in another union to come and pick up the mouse.
Manager: What the fuck? This is unbelievable.
Lady coworker: It’s like an overcrowded prison in here.
Manager: Oh, I’ll show you prison [leaves].
Keith: Is she mad?
Male coworker: Isn’t this fun?
777 3rd Avenue
New York, New York
