Archive for March, 2021

Clinton Was a Rhodes Scholar, and He Still Picks up Trash on Friday Nights

Salesman: It’s this whole ‘No Child Left Behind, let’s get all the kids to graduate college’ bullshit. If everybody goes to college, who’s gonna do the work? Huh? Who’s gonna dig the ditches? Who’s gonna pick up the trash? We don’t need that. We need kids to drop out of school and do the work.

Birch Street
Brea, California

While Your Coworker Holds It… What?

Lackey #1: My buddy tells me he exercises his cock in the shower by doing curls with a wet towel.
Lackey #2: That’s ridiculous. Everyone knows the best way to do that is by flexing your chode muscle all day long.

100 Wall Street
New York, New York

If You’re Going to Disrespect Authority, Don’t Leave Witnesses

Assistant: I don’t know if you want to give him a call or not.
Boss #1: What happened?
Assistant: He mouthed off to a cop.
Boss #1: Sounds like Eric*.
Boss #2: Eric didn’t mouth off to a cop.
Boss #1: I thought he did.
Boss #2: No, he ran over a cop. There’s a big difference between running a cop over and mouthing off to one.

Houston, Texas

Overheard by: can’t make it up

10AM Visit Construction Site

Receptionist: What’s that?
Worker: It’s the Phoenix Project logo.
Receptionist: Why’s there a bird on it?
Manager #1: You have got to be kidding?
Receptionist: What?
Manager #2: Bird, Phoenix? Hello?
Receptionist: I don’t get it.
Clerk: Okay, the bird…it’s a phoenix.
Receptionist: Phoenix is a city.
Clerk: …Phoenix is, also, a mythological bird.
Receptionist: Named after the city?

10 Miles South of Battle Mountain
Battle Mountain, Nevada