Employee to another, arranging pretzels on display: You know, you’re supposed to hang these straight, but if you hang them crooked they are more tantalizing.…tantalizing like crack.
Birmingham, Alabama
Archive for January, 2021
…How About a Kiss?
Line cook: Man, did you fart?! Uhhh! That stinks!
Cute waitress: No, that’s my breath.
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Marcus
But That’s an Abacus, Lenny.
Colleague to another: No, that’s okay. I don’t want to learn a new way of doing things.
Boston, Massachusetts
11AM Plan Holiday Party
Cube monkey #1: What are you wearing to the Christmas party?
Cube monkey #2: A black dress with a santa hat.
Cube monkey #1: Very festive…and probably busty.
Cube monkey #2: Why wouldnt it be? It’s my dress.
Cube monkey #1: You could probably wear a burqa and be busty.
2300 West Plano Parkway
Plano, Texas
Overheard by: Lauren
Career Tip: Learn Which Colleagues to Leave Alone in the Morning
Office girl, popping head into cubicle: Hi Jane*!
Jane: Ahhhhhhh! (frightened, ear-piercing scream that goes on for 20 seconds)
Office girl: Sh! Shh! It’s me!
Jane: (carries on screaming)
Ad Agency
Singapore
Overheard by: eM
12PM Get Those Scam Salescalls Blocked
Coworker on phone: Why do you need to know what type of printer I have?…Well, I guess I could read the name of the printer to you off of the printer, if you suggest that… Here’s the name written right here. It’s F then U, C. Are you writing this down? K and then Y. Then finally O, U…Hello, hello?
4175 Central Avenue
Indianapolis, Indiana
What’s It Gonna Take to Get Me Out of This Conversation?
Girl: Yeah, he thought you meant that I was gonna make cheese from my breast milk, you know, to save money…
Boss: That’s not what I meant.
Girl: I know!
Texas
Overheard by: the lowly receptionist
Today’s Babies Are Spoiled
Mother at baby shower, receiving gifts: You know they have forehead thermometers now, so you don’t have to do it up the butt.
Washington Navy Yard
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Steve
Not the Worst Pick-Up Line We’ve Ever Heard
Lady manager: As far as I’m concerned, if you haven’t had a rash, you haven’t lived!
Kingswood Fields, Surrey
United Kingdom
Overheard by: Captain Stash
I Nodded Off During the Part About the Rain Forests
Gay drama teacher: We’re going to McDonald’s, did you want us to pick something up for you?
Hippie guitar teacher: No, I don’t eat there.
Gay drama teacher: Why, because of the movie Supersize Me?
Hippie guitar teacher: No, I stopped eating there ever since they started cutting down the rain forests to make room for more cow pastures for their meat.
Gay drama teacher: So… then, you don’t want McDonalds?
1311 E Katella Ave
Orange, California
