Archive for 2020

2PM Re­view Can­di­dates

Boss #1: We can use [Derek] as our field su­per­vi­sor; he knows how to do the work.
Boss #2: Is he still a drunk?
Boss #1: Yeah. His wife left him.
Boss #2: He has al­ways been a drinker.
Boss #1: So we’ll put him in charge of every­thing and he can run the crews. We’ll pay his ex­pens­es and give him the com­pa­ny truck.
Boss #2: Okay. Sounds good to me. Maybe stuff will start get­ting done now.

8221 NW Ex­press­way Street
Ok­la­homa City, Ok­la­homa

4PM Fi­nal­ize Con­tracts with New Ac­count

Ven­dor: Hey, can you do me a huge fa­vor?
Boss: Sure, what do you need?
Ven­dor: I am try­ing to land this ac­count, and the guy won’t sign with me un­less you sleep with him.
Boss: I am not go­ing to sleep with him! Wait a sec­ond, is he cute? Does he have lots of mon­ey?
Ven­dor: No.
Boss: Well, okay but just this once.

3663 S. Las Ve­gas Boule­vard
Las Ve­gas, Neva­da

Over­heard by: Rick

I Sug­gest You Glue Your Ass to Your Own Chair

Of­fice drone #1: What’s a fun­nier prank — if I tape the the re­ceiv­er to the boss’s phone, or if I fix it so she can’t open the draw­er?
Of­fice drone #2: Um, maybe you should… [looks point­ed­ly at re­turn­ing boss be­hind drone #1].
Of­fice drone #1: I know! I’ll glue her cof­fee mug to her desk. Bitch’ll be spew­ing!
Boss, stand­ing right be­hind drone #1: Bitch is be­hind you.

Har­ris Street
Pyr­mont, Syd­ney
Aus­tralia

Over­heard by: get back to work!

I Know the Per­fect Po­si­tion For You!

Em­ploy­ee #1: I don’t know how you got a bet­ter re­view than you did last year.
Em­ploy­ee #2: Yeah, me ei­ther.
Em­ploy­ee #1: You know, I re­al­ly on­ly get about 50% out of you each day.
Em­ploy­ee #2: Yeah, that sounds about right. Some days more, some days less. Usu­al­ly less.
Em­ploy­ee #1: Would­n’t it be great if I got that 100% out of you, though?
Em­ploy­ee #2: Prob­a­bly, but I re­al­ly just don’t feel like it.

901 War­renville Road
Chica­go, Illi­nois

Over­heard by: Re­cov­er­ing Worka­holic

Bib­licly.

Fe­male in­tern: An­oth­er in­tern?
Male man­ag­er: Yup. You’re not so new any­more.
Fe­male in­tern: What’s his name?
Male man­ag­er: Dick.
Fe­male in­tern: Re­al­ly? I know a Dick.
Male man­ag­er: Do you?
Fe­male in­tern: Yeah, I know like three Dicks!

Rich­mond, Vir­ginia

Over­heard by: this wun guy