Punk chick on her cell: Which one did you pick? Oh, the one that can fuck?
Ralph’s
Los Angeles, California
Archive for 2020
9AM Back to Work
Co-worker #1: Man, I could use a nap.
Co-worker #2: I’m right there with you…Well, not right there with you.
111 SW Fifth Avenue
Portland, Oregon
Or We Could Just Get Drunk on Punch and Have Sub-Par Sex, Like Usual?
Cube rat #1: Hey, didn’t they have one of those money-tubes here at the Thanksgiving party last year?
Cube rat #2: Yeah, where you jump in and catch the money? I got 20 bucks!
Cube rat #1: Hmmm. They should do something festive for the holiday… like canned hams in the tube!
2131 3rd Avenue
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Amused
I Couldn’t See the Air
Customer service rep #1: Is it raining?
Customer service rep #2: The ground is wet.
Customer service rep #1: But is the… air… wet?
Newton, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Tom
Are You Breaking Up with Me??
Boss to underling: I’d better go take my banana skin elsewhere.
Bakersfield, California
Oh, What a Tangled Website We Weave
Law Firm Partner: How do you log on to our website?
Secretary: We don’t have a website.
Law Firm Partner: Can make one up real quick? There’s a girl who’s trying to sell us a website and I told her we already have one.
329 18th Street
Rock Island, Illinois
“I’d look it up, but I’m too lazy.”
Co-worker #1: So they made me change my password. The old one was really cool. “Sloth,” you know, like the animal.
Co-worker #2: There’s no such animal as a sloth. I think sloth is supposed to be like a sin or something.
1697 Broadway
New York, NY
Somehow Two Cliches Gave Birth to a Viable Metaphor
Suit: We are going to have to leverage everything in order to shift gears.
Employee: What?
615 Third Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: Dwight Scott
12PM Follow Up with Buyer
Manager: Did you get a response back from that email you sent to the buyer yet?
Co-worker: No; I didn’t ask her for one. She knew what action I took and if she didn’t agree with me, she can call me.
Manager: No, no. You should always include “please advise” in the email, in case they don’t receive the email.
8000 Bent Branch Drive
Irving, Texas
Hey, Where’d All the White People Go?
African American worker #1: I don’t claim African American. Who is to say I’m not Jamaican or Dominican Republic?
African American worker #2: Are you serious? Look at yourself!
African American worker #1: You can’t make me black!
Hawkinsville, Georgia
