Archive for 2020

I‑W-I-S-H-I-C-O-U-L-D-F-I-R-E-Y-O‑U

Boss: Hey, how do you spell ‘Japan­ese’? [Pe­on spells it.] Hm­mm, do you think she was Japan­ese? How do you spell ‘Chi­nese’? [Pe­on spells it.] I don’t know if she was Chi­nese, though… Here’s what we’ll do — [be­gins typ­ing let­ter] ‘The child speaks Asian…’ Wait, how do you spell ‘Asian’?

1000 West Cen­tral Road
Mount Prospect, Illi­nois

Over­heard by: I work here?

Self-Test: Are You More Pa­thet­ic at Work or at Home?

Cowork­er #1: And I still had this stom­ach bug, but I’d just drank all this fruit punch, and my mom was call­ing me, and I made in­to the hall­way be­fore I puked fruit punch all over the wall, and I was like “I’m com­ing, mom!“
Cowork­er #2: Oh, god, how old were you?
Cowork­er #1: This was like six months ago.

Co­lum­bia, Mis­souri

11AM Project Meet­ing

Work­er #1: Check it out, [Brad]‘s ac­tu­al­ly be­ing use­ful!
Work­er #2: I don’t be­lieve it. And I’m not even go­ing to look be­cause I refuse to look at things that I know are lies.

740 Dun­das Street East
Toron­to, On­tario
Cana­dia

Ten-Mil­lion-Dol­lar Dis­crim­i­na­tion Suits Start Out In­no­cent­ly Enough

Man­ag­er: We re­al­ly need to work on prop­er pro­nun­ci­a­tion on the phones. We re­al­ly hear a lot of this, and it def­i­nite­ly needs to be im­proved. For in­stance: How do you say a‑s-k? Any­one? (pause) You say “ask” not “axed”!
Em­ploy­ee: Well, who say dat?

Wayne, Penn­syl­va­nia

Over­heard by: of­fice grunt #12