Archive for 2020

What Hap­pens When You Think About Things that Don’t Bear Think­ing About

IT guy: Oh, good I’m back to the top of your fa­vorite peo­ple list.
Sales as­sis­tant: What? William* the hot A/C guy got bumped down?
IT guy: William’s gone; he’s off the list.
Sales guy: Is­n’t William a ger­bil?
Sales as­sis­tant: That’s my ger­bil! We’re talk­ing about the A/C guy now.
Sales guy: Ask Pe­ter* about ger­bil; he likes ’em.
IT guy: Ed breeds the ger­bils.
Sales guy: I breed them just for you. Hair­less, claw­less ger­bils.
Pe­ter: Edsgerbils.com!
Sales guy: You don’t want one with claws..
Pe­ter: Go to Edsgerbils.com to get your hair­less ger­bils.
Sales guy: Don’t for­get claw­less… you don’t want one with claws.
Of­fice Man­ag­er: Stop with the ger­bils.
Sales guy, to him­self: No… don’t want one with claws.…

8220 Eng­land Street
Char­lotte, North Car­oli­na

1PM Lunch

Co-work­er #1: Do they have col­or by num­bers in Eng­land?
Co-work­er #2: Mmm, I dun­no. Ask [De­nis], he’s British.
Co-work­er #1: They have fish sticks, right?
Co-work­er #2: Yeah, but I think they’re called some­thing else.

205 Hud­son Street
New York, NY

Over­heard by: Guiller­mo Echevar­ria

Time to Stop Hav­ing Din­ner at Mel Gib­son’s House

Jew­ish man­ag­er: I got your e‑mail about XYZ Spring Com­pa­ny* not be­ing able to make that spring.
Of­fice girl: Yeah, those dirty– Ugh!
Jew­ish man­ag­er: It’s okay, it’s okay!
Of­fice girl: They just keep quot­ing stuff, and when I give them an or­der they de­cide they can’t do it be­cause they are lit­tle pieces–! Ugh! Nev­er mind!
Jew­ish man­ag­er: Are you okay?
Of­fice girl: Yeah… I’m just try­ing to be Chris­t­ian to­day.
Jew­ish man­ag­er: … Good for you. [Walks away.]Office girl, from a dis­tance: I need to say more things in my head. I think I’m fired now.

8220 Eng­land Street
Char­lotte, North Car­oli­na

Is It “Defama­tion” If It’s True? Dis­cuss.

Clued-out se­nior man­ag­er on phone with lawyer: I just want a trans­la­tion of the doc­u­ment. It’s writ­ten all in French. I’m from On­tario, we don’t speak the lan­guage here. (pause) Well, I just want the gist of the doc­u­ment. I think he’s su­ing us for defama­tion of char­ac­ter. (pause) The guy’s a jerk.

Toron­to
Cana­dia

Over­heard by: Cue