Archive for 2020

Squat­ters’ Rights, Dude

Em­ploy­ee #1: Do you go in the bath­room like that?
Bare­foot em­ploy­ee: Yeah, but I sit down. It’s much clean­er in there.
Em­ploy­ee #2: Wait, did you just ad­mit that you sit down to pee?

1 Mi­crosoft Way
Red­mond, Wash­ing­ton


Of­fice chick on phone: My mom is mak­ing me a huge meal tonight for my birth­day… Ba­con-wrapped filet mignon with blue cheese on top, Cae­sar sal­ad, and roast­ed pota­toes.
Neigh­bor­ing cube guy: I just nut­ted a lit­tle on my key­board.

4004 East Chapel Hill Park­way
Durham, North Car­oli­na

…No, I Would Not Like to Add Gift-Wrap­ping!

Cowork­er on phone in the next cu­bi­cle: I’m call­ing you guys be­cause I need to get my fa­ther’s ash­es shipped from Cal­i­for­nia to Boston. That’s right, you guys have his ash­es. The post of­fice needs some kind of spe­cial de­liv­ery, be­cause the urn is so heavy. (pause) Yes, that’s right, my fa­ther’s ash­es.

Boston, Mass­a­chu­setts