Archive for 2020

The Mis­take Is Try­ing to Find Celebri­ties to Re­spect

Re­cep­tion­ist #1: Do you know who Jes­si­ca Simp­son is dat­ing?
Re­cep­tion­ist #2: No, I don’t care. … Who?
Re­cep­tion­ist #1: I read it in Peo­ple so you know it’s true. You’re go­ing to be so pissed.
Re­cep­tion­ist #2: Ok, who?
Re­cep­tion­ist #1: John May­er!
Re­cep­tion­ist #2: Whaaaaaat?
Re­cep­tion­ist #1: I know, right?
Re­cep­tion­ist #2: Dude. What is with every celebri­ty guy I ever re­spect­ed let­ting me down late­ly? First Jared Leto look­ing like a labia at the VMAs, now this?
Re­cep­tion­ist #1: At least it’s not Dane Cook.
Re­cep­tion­ist #2: I know. At least he’s pre­served.
Re­cep­tion­ist #1: At least he was­n’t taint­ed by her taint.

Taunton, Mass­a­chu­setts

Over­heard by: ker­i­ly

That’s Your An­swer for Every­thing

Cowork­er #1: Are you bring­ing some­thing to­mor­row?
Cowork­er #2: Yeah, but I’m not sure what. Every­one is so hard to please.
Cowork­er #1: I know. I want to make that pas­ta dish I told you about, but it has a lot of veg­eta­bles. I have to find out who likes what, and what they don’t like. It’d be eas­i­er to kill every­one in­stead.

12300 Olive Boule­vard
St. Louis, Mis­souri

…From His Adorable Lit­tle Mouse Car

<b>accounting rep:</b> *screams and kicks away from her desk* did y’all see that shit! Stu­art lit­tle got the au­dac­i­ty to sit on my desk and look at me!

Fort Mill, SC


Un­less Our Of­fices Have Bar Stools, No One Will Ever Know

Of­fice girl: Is the com­pa­ny start­ing a cloning pro­gram? You two are ex­act­ly the same.
New girl #1: Yeah, I know…except that she had a ba­by, and I did­n’t.
New girl #2: Right, so the on­ly way you can tell the dif­fer­ence be­tween us is the size of our hoo-hoos.

Scar­bor­ough
On­tario
Cana­dia

Over­heard by: C.note

5PM That’s a Wrap

Cus­tomer: Is Of­fice 2003 the lat­est ver­sion of Of­fice that’s out?
Sales­per­son: Yeah, they most like­ly won’t come out with a new ver­sion un­til Vista is re­leased, which should be about the end of the year.
Cus­tomer: What’s that?
Sales­per­son: Vista?
Cus­tomer: Yeah, Rista? What is that? Is that the new Of­fice?
Sales­per­son: No, Vista is the new op­er­at­ing sys­tem that’s com­ing out. Last I heard Mi­crosoft was plan­ning to re­lease it near the end of this year.
Cus­tomer: Mi­crosoft­’s go­ing to sell com­put­ers now?
Sales­per­son: No, Vista is the op­er­at­ing sys­tem that gets in­stalled on com­put­ers. It’s what makes your com­put­er run.
Cus­tomer: Oh, yeah, I knew that al­ready. Are you go­ing to be car­ry­ing Mi­crosoft­’s new com­put­ers?

Willard Build­ing
State Col­lege, Penn­syl­va­nia