Archive for 2020

It’s Ei­ther That or Get One of Those Helper Mon­keys

Ed­i­tor #1: I have fin­ger toes.
Pho­tog­ra­ph­er: You mean like long and bony?
Ed­i­tor #1: Yeah, I can, like, pick stuff up with them.
Ed­i­tor #2: Do you pinch peo­ple with them?
Ed­i­tor #1: Yeah. I al­ways pinch [my wife]. She hates it.
Ed­i­tor #2: God is just prepar­ing you for when you lose your arms.

333 North Merid­i­an
Ok­la­homa City, Ok­la­homa

Over­heard by: fransen comes alive

2PM Client Meet­ing

Lawyer on phone: I don’t care what you want to do, just file the fuck­ing re­port! Shut the fuck up and file the fuck­ing thing!
Client: Yikes.
Sec­re­tary: He’s yelling at his oth­er sec­re­tary.
Client: …Yeah, but–
Lawyer: I said file the fuck­ing thing!
Sec­re­tary: It’s okay. She’s al­so his wife.

430 West First Street
New Al­bany, In­di­ana

1PM Head Out for a Bite

Ma­ni­ac: Come in, I won’t bite any­more.
Work­er: …Won’t bite…anymore?
Ma­ni­ac: I used­ta work at a vet­ernar­i­an. He used­ta lock me up with the an­i­mals in a cage! When they’d bark, the on­ly way to get them to stop was to bark at them. And bite them–on the ear!

708 Broad­way el­e­va­tor
New York, NY

Over­heard by: Kevin David­son

… Nor What State We Start­ed In

VP on phone: Yeah, what’s wrong?
Niece on speak­er phone: We’re lost. Can you pull up a map or some­thing?
VP: Where are you and where are you go­ing?
Niece: We’re go­ing some­where in Mass­a­chu­setts, and we don’t know what state we’re in.

316 War­ren Av­enue
Front Roy­al, Vir­ginia

Over­heard by: not the dumb­est any­more