Archive for 2020

That’s What You Said About Us­ing Your In­tern As a Bench

Suit #1: Hey, did the DB team ever send you that da­ta for your re­port?
Suit #2: No.
Suit #1: Can’t you just make up the num­bers?
Suit #2: I would, but I al­ready made up 60% of the num­bers in the re­port.
Suit #1: 60%?
Suit #2: Yeah, gen­er­al­ly 40% of the num­bers in a re­port have to be ac­cu­rate. It’s an ac­cept­ed stan­dard.

Cleve­land, Ohio

1PM Lunch

Work­er #1: Did you know that Big Lots closed all of its fur­ni­ture stores down? It was no IKEA but it sure had a few nice things in there. Damn I am full of gas this af­ter­noon.
Work­er #2: I did­n’t know they had fur­ni­ture stores…
Work­er #1: Yeah…They have sure­ly came a long way since I was a kid. They al­ways had like the crap­pi­est food stuff. They are a close-out store, right?
Work­er #2: I did­n’t know they had food.
Work­er #1: Well, not food food, but like ce­re­al.
Work­er #2: Oh, shelf food. Yeah.
Work­er #1: Yeah..I would to­tal­ly not buy dis­con­tin­ued ba­nanas. That’s just rank.

1 Eas­t­on Oval
Colum­bus, Ohio

I Thought Allen Died Last Year?

Of­fice drone #1: Hel­lo, may I help you? (pause) Who? Allen Michaels?* Please hold.
(shout­ing) Does any­one know where Allen* is?
Of­fice drone #2: He’s not in yet. Don’t know where he is.
Of­fice drone #1: I’m sor­ry, he’s in a meet­ing. He said he’ll call you back. (pause) Yes, he knows it’s ur­gent. Thank you. (hangs up)

New York

Over­heard by: Jay‑B (I work in a wacky place)