Coworker, describing document submitted to him: It’s like a technical description of masturbation, without the finish.
Washington, DC
Archive for October, 2020
Haven’t Been the Same Since I Fell In
Secretary #1: (transcribing from a dictaphone) <giggle>
Secretary #1: <giggle, giggle, giggle>
Secretary #1: <giggle, giggle, giggle>
Secretary #2: Whats so funny?
Secretary #1: <giggle, giggle, giggle> Im transcribing this dictation and hes talking about the sewer system and he keeps talking about going into manholes.
Secretary #2: So?
Secretary #1: Manholes — get it — manholes! Hes going into manholes!
Secretary #2: How old are you??????
327 S. Camino del Rio
Durango, CO
We’re Not That Kind Of Friends, Dick
Biotech guy: Before you kill it, can I have the germplasm that is causing the issue?
St. Louis, Missouri
Not Since the Last Time You Asked Me That.
Very agitated girl to coworker: Do you have a box that can fit something seven inches long?
New York City, New York
12PM Update Resume
Worker #1: Man, I’m having a hard time since I’ve had to write about me. Do you have any suggestions?
Worker #2: I don’t know. It’s been a long time since I’ve had to sell myself.
900 Washington Avenue
Waco, Texas
In the Meantime, I Plan to Fake It ’til I Make It
Interviewer: So where do you see yourself in five years?
Candidate: Knowing things. Like, knowing knowledge about everything.
Miller Avenue
Fontana, California
No, Just for Endemic Racism
Interviewing manager looking at resume: This is what? Your middle name? What language is this?
Interviewee: It’s Hawaiian. I’m part Hawaiian.
Interviewer: Oh… So, did you have to wait for the white man to get there before you had a language?
San Diego, California
He’d Rather Do It Avocationally
Manager: Why do they send so much of this stock? It’s never gonna sell. What bunch of arseholes thought this up at head office?
Peon: This is really getting to you, isn’t it? I get the feeling you applied for a job there, and they turned you down.
Manager: A job at head office? No thanks, I’ve no desire to be an arsehole for a living.
Peon: But you’d be so good at it.
4 The Sidings
Lincoln, United Kingdom
I Never Metameme I Didn’t Like
Internet hipster: It’s a meme of a meme, so it’s meta.
Boss: What?!
Fontana, California
How about Just the Minor Drug Offenders?
Coworker: Did you hear? Jerry Brown is our new Attorney General!
Boss: That’s it! Open up all the prisons! Set the prisoners free! And give them all marijuana on the way out!
708 Fiero Lane
San Luis Obispo, California
