Receptionist on phone: Mom, there are no pictures of them in the paper. I don’t want to live in a decapitated house!
Lincoln Highway
Lancaster, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Assistant Girl
Archive for August, 2020
In Texas, Every Week Is Shank Week
Female employee, eying trim around door: That would make an excellent shank.
Point Comfort, Texas
Overheard by: Stay Out of My Office!
In This Show, They Just Have Sex with Each Other
Male machinist: So do you like donkeys and stuff?
Female machinist: What…? What do you mean?
Male machinist: Ya know, like donkeys and horses…
Female machinist: Uh, why?
Male machinist: We’re having a donkey and horse show this weekend. Oh! But not that kind.
Female machinist: Oh, good. You were weirding me out, man.
Rhode Island
Overheard by: Female Machinist
Seems to Have Misunderstood Geena Davis’s Role in Cutthroat Island
PR agent: He’s greedy, and he’s a pirate, and he’s a whore.
350 5th Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: editorial intern/slave
I Prefer Fast Women.
Woman:“bolt is sooo annoying.”
(referring to usain bolt.).
2727 W. Good Hope Rd, Glendale WI
Your Editors Don’t Want to See That Movie
Model #1: I want to put babies in you.
Model #2: You want to impregnate me?
Model #1: No, I want to slice you open and shove babies in you.
Model #2: That’s sweetest thing anyone’s ever said to me.
Adult Film Company
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: fetishgirl
Every Office Has One Person Who’s Confused by Metaphors
Lab tech #1, about piece of lab equipment: You have to make love to it.
Lab tech #2: Oh! That’s way too big!
Lab tech #1: You just have to finesse it.
Lab tech #2: No, seriously, that’s really big.
Eugene, Oregon
Introducing the 2006 Pro-Life Poster Gal
Woman #1: I’m pregnant again.
Woman #2: On purpose?
Woman #3, sighing: I need a rest from all these ass-wipes that work here. I need a little hospital- and daytime TV R and R.
Montvale, New Jersey
2PM Data Management
Co-worker #1: I’m not sure that’s right, though. I pulled it out of my database.
Co-worker #2: Is that what you call your ass, sir, a database?
2000 Navy Pentagon
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Salted Fish
Stop Contrimanding Everything I Say
Manager: B.O.T.A. It’s an anagram. Do you know what it stands for? “Bend over and take it up the ass.“
Employee: That’s an acronym, not an anagram.
Manager: What? I didn’t say acronym.
Oneonta, New York
