Archive for January, 2020

But It’s Not Fri­day Yet.

Wait­er: There’s a fly buzzing around. I kept him off your food.
Man­ag­er: Ah, it does­n’t mat­ter. No­body ever died from that.
Wait­er: No­body ever died from lick­ing my balls, ei­ther. You want to come over here and do that?

Cir­cle Cen­tre Mall
In­di­anapo­lis, In­di­ana

Over­heard by: Shat­man­du

10AM Work on Prints

En­gi­neer: How much longer will you be us­ing those prints?
Safe­ty Man­ag­er: Five min­utes.
En­gi­neer: What if I bor­row them for three min­utes and then give them back to you?
Safe­ty Man­ag­er: I’d say yes, but you won’t give them back in three min­utes. So, no, you can’t bor­row them.
En­gi­neer: You’re so much like your dad, it’s not even fun­ny.

186 Gilman Av­enue
Camp­bell, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: Shan­non

2PM Con­fer­ence

Con­fer­en­ceper­son: Could you please have a pot of cof­fee ready for my 2 o’­clock meet­ing?
Sec­re­tary: Um, there’s a sched­uled 1 hour long pow­er out­age at 1:30.
Con­fer­en­ceper­son: That’s okay, we have lights.

Com­put­er Sci­ence Build­ing
Stony Brook Uni­ver­si­ty
Stony Brook, New York

9AM Why Am I Here?

Ac­count­ing: My cat turned off my alarm this morn­ing and made me over­sleep.
Re­cep­tion­ist: What?
Ac­count­ing: Yeah, nor­mal­ly she sleeps un­der the cov­ers with me, and I hear her get up and start pac­ing around to wake me up. But to­day she must have just got­ten up and stepped on my alarm.
Re­cep­tion­ist: Well, she must have known you need­ed to sleep in.

850 Mount Ver­non High­way NE
At­lanta, Geor­gia

Over­heard by: Cat

Any Oth­er Dreams I Can Crush Be­fore Lunch?

Sec­re­tary #1: Is your boyfriend com­ing for Christ­mas?
Sec­re­tary #2: Yeah! He’s in med school in Seat­tle study­ing to be an ER doc, so I don’t get to see him much.
Fe­male doc­tor, just com­ing in­to room: Them! Don’t get me start­ed on ER docs!
Sec­re­tary #1: Oh?
Doc­tor: They can’t keep their pants on–and the mar­ried ones are worse!

Al­bany Gen­er­al Hosp­tial
Al­bany, Ore­gon

Put a Nice Pot­ted Plant on It?

Fash­ion de­sign­er girl #1: I re­al­ly want a book­shelf, but I don’t have any books.
Fash­ion de­sign­er girl #2: Maybe you could get a short one and paint it white.

8360 Mel­rose Av­enue
West Hol­ly­wood, Cal­i­for­nia

10AM Check Out the Lob­by

A co-work­er steps out of the el­e­va­tor in­to the re­cep­tion lob­by.

Co-work­er #1: Ew, it smells like a nurs­ing home in here.

5 min­utes pass.

Co-work­er #2: Mmm, it smells good in here.

55 South­bank Boule­vard
Mel­bourne, Vic­to­ria
Aus­tralia

Over­heard by: Emi­ly Hop­kins

You Wacky Brits Pick­le Every­thing

Fe­male teacher to male teacher: Aw, you’re such a gen­tle­man! When you die we’re go­ing to pick­le you and put you in the cor­ner and la­bel you “the last gen­tle­man.”

Arts and Hu­man­i­ties Dept
Bex­hill Col­lege
Eng­land

Over­heard by: Corinne