Archive for 2019

3PM Smoke Break

Work­er #1: Stu­pid fuck­ing Back Of­fice Sup­port peo­ple are re­tard­ed.
Work­er #2: Fuck the fuck­ing fuck­ers.
Work­er #1: Amen…with­out the sex part.
Work­er #2: Heh, their pil­low talk would go some­thing like this: “You are the one that is hot, that is what I am telling you now.”

1601 Bryan Street
Dal­las, Texas

I Think They Start Dat­ing the Owl

IT guy #1: When you work in a restau­rant it seems like every­one starts dat­ing each oth­er. I once knew these two that worked at Sub­way, and they start­ed dat­ing.
IT guy #2: That’s bare­ly a restau­rant.
IT guy #1: Do you think the girls at Hoot­ers start dat­ing each oth­er?

1400 Dou­glas Street
Om­a­ha, Ne­bras­ka

Over­heard by: DB

Old, Stu­pid Birds, Maybe

Per­son #1: This phone app up­dates both Face­book and Twit­ter.
Per­son #2: So it’s a mech­a­nism for tweet­ing.
Per­son #3: Birds call that a “beak”.

Madi­son, Wis­con­sin

Over­heard by: Vic­tor Ponelis

It All Goes in­to the Sep­tic Tank Soon­er or Lat­er

Boss: We used to have this char­ac­ter come over to clean out our sep­tic tank and he would be eat­ing a peanut but­ter and jel­ly sand­wich at the same time.
Cowork­er, push­ing lunch plate away: I guess I’m through with this.

Seat­tle, Wash­ing­ton

Well Played, Dear Sub­mit­ter

Fe­male cowork­er #1: Things would be a lot bet­ter if I had milk for my cof­fee.
Fe­mail cowork­er #2: Want a lit­tle bit of my cream?

Hawthorne NY

Why Did We Come to This God­less Coun­try, Jim­my?

Irish con­struc­tion work­er #1, ex­it­ing job site: You know what’s wrong with this job?
Irish con­struc­tion work­er #2, be­hind him: What?
Irish con­struc­tion work­er #1: We’re workin’ on an Irish bar, and there’s no bloody beer!
Irish con­struc­tion work­er #2: Sure there is! There’s Guin­ness!
Both, in cho­rus: In cans! (they spit on the ground)

Haigh Street
San Fran­cis­co, Cal­i­for­nia

Well Done, Dear Col­leagues!

Cowork­er ar­riv­ing at of­fice: I ex­pect to be greet­ed with bright, chip­per voic­es in the morn­ing.
Voice down the hall: Shut the hell up!

Gov­ern­ment Of­fice
Wash­ing­ton, DC