Archive for 2019

3PM Smoke Break

Worker #1: Stupid fucking Back Office Support people are retarded.
Worker #2: Fuck the fucking fuckers.
Worker #1: Amen…without the sex part.
Worker #2: Heh, their pillow talk would go something like this: “You are the one that is hot, that is what I am telling you now.”

1601 Bryan Street
Dallas, Texas

I Think They Start Dating the Owl

IT guy #1: When you work in a restaurant it seems like everyone starts dating each other. I once knew these two that worked at Subway, and they started dating.
IT guy #2: That’s barely a restaurant.
IT guy #1: Do you think the girls at Hooters start dating each other?

1400 Douglas Street
Omaha, Nebraska

Overheard by: DB

Old, Stupid Birds, Maybe

Person #1: This phone app updates both Facebook and Twitter.
Person #2: So it's a mechanism for tweeting.
Person #3: Birds call that a “beak”.

Madison, Wisconsin

Overheard by: Victor Ponelis

It All Goes into the Septic Tank Sooner or Later

Boss: We used to have this character come over to clean out our septic tank and he would be eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich at the same time.
Coworker, pushing lunch plate away: I guess I'm through with this.

Seattle, Washington

Well Played, Dear Submitter

Female coworker #1: Things would be a lot better if I had milk for my coffee.
Femail coworker #2: Want a little bit of my cream?

Hawthorne NY

Why Did We Come to This Godless Country, Jimmy?

Irish construction worker #1, exiting job site: You know what's wrong with this job?
Irish construction worker #2, behind him: What?
Irish construction worker #1: We're workin' on an Irish bar, and there's no bloody beer!
Irish construction worker #2: Sure there is! There's Guinness!
Both, in chorus: In cans! (they spit on the ground)

Haigh Street
San Francisco, California

Well Done, Dear Colleagues!

Coworker arriving at office: I expect to be greeted with bright, chipper voices in the morning.
Voice down the hall: Shut the hell up!

Government Office
Washington, DC