Archive for 2019

But He Is My Son

Of­fice man­ag­er: He kin­da looks like a Nin­ja Tur­tle.
Re­cep­tion­ist: What?
Of­fice man­ag­er: A Nin­ja Tur­tle. Don’t you see it?
Re­cep­tion­ist: Um­mm…
Of­fice man­ag­er: You know, a Teenage Mu­tant Nin­ja Tur­tle.
Re­cep­tion­ist: Oh, that kind of Nin­ja Tur­tle… I don’t see it.

2661 Ri­va Road
An­napo­lis, Mary­land

Over­heard by: aoK

Yours Is the “Lol­lipop Guild” Song, for No Rea­son What­so­ev­er

Cube rat #1: Oh, I love that ring­tone! That’s from Wiz­ard of Oz, is­n’t it?
Cube rat #2: Yeah, Ding-Dong! The Witch Is Dead is my fa­vorite song in that whole movie.
Cube rat #1: Who called?
Cube rat #2: My moth­er-in-law.
Cube rat #1, lauhging: Got any oth­ers?
Cube rat #2: Yeah, I’ve got If I On­ly Had a Brain on there, too.
Cube rat #1: Who’s that one for?
Cube rat #2: My boss.

Bossier City, Louisiana

All They’re Good for Is Com­mit­ting Bank Rob­beries

Woman: Be still, we have to wait for our turn.
Kid: Why are we here?
Woman: We’re re­turn­ing a pack­age.
Kid: Why?
Woman: Be­cause I don’t want it.
Kid: What’s in it?
Woman: I don’t know. I think it’s panty­hose.
Kid: You don’t want the panty­hose?
Woman: No, I don’t want the panty­hose.
Kid: Why?
Woman: Be­cause panty­hose are evil.

Post of­fice
Le­an­der, Texas

Over­heard by: Fae­do­rah

Every An­geli­na Jolie Movie: En­cap­su­lat­ed.

30-some­thing red­head to old­er male lunch com­pan­ion: I’m kind of dis­gust­ed with my cur­rent job in law en­force­ment. I’m think­ing of a ca­reer change to ei­ther a high­ly-paid call girl or an as­sas­sin.
Old­er male lunch com­pan­ion: Well, you’re awe­some at sex, and you *do* know how to kill peo­ple…

Ba­ton Rouge, Louisiana