Archive for 2019

Thanks to Com­pressed-World Tech­nol­o­gy

Re­cep­tion­ist #1: I can’t be­lieve I’ll be in Eng­land next week. I think we might dri­ve to Aus­tralia, too — they have bet­ter beach­es.
Re­cep­tion­ist #2: Is that far?
Re­cep­tion­ist #1: No, I think it’s a two-hour dri­ve from here.

Grand Rapids, Michi­gan

Over­heard by: Not Even Kid­ding

She Made the Same Mis­take with Love in the 1960s

Tech­ni­cian: Ma’am, your Jaguar needs a new en­gine.
Jag own­er: How can that be?
Tech­ni­cian: When’s the last time you had the oil changed?
Jag own­er: My sales­per­son Vin­nie* told me the car was main­te­nance-free, and just bring it in when it needs ser­vice.
Tech­ni­cian: No, ma’am, it’s not main­te­nance-free, it’s free main­te­nance.

1815 Maplelawn Dri­ve
Troy, Michi­gan

Over­heard by: Vinyl Junkie

Could Be a Wood­en Plank in a Strip­per Cos­tume

Drone #1: Christ! I need to play the lot­tery.
Drone #2: Why, how much is it?
Drone #1: 250 mil­lion. If I win I’m flip­ping the bird to this place and you and I are gonna go hit Ve­gas. I’m gonna die balls deep in some hot strip­per.
Drone #2: A fe­male one right?
Drone #1: At 250 mil­lion, it won’t mat­ter.

Broad­way & 42nd
New York City, New York