Archive for 2019

Stingy and Bel­liger­ent, Eh? Why Not Put on Your Kilt While You’re at It

Work­er: *Liam was great, I did­n’t want any fuck­ing sym­pa­thy and he just got on it with it. I hat­ed my fuck­ing fa­ther any­way.
Co-work­er: Good.
Work­er: I mean I on­ly went to his fuck­ing fu­ner­al to make sure the cunt was dead… And to spit on his grave. You know? But *Alan got two and a half days for his fuck­ing moth­er in law.
Co-work­er: Yeah?
Work­er: Yeah. I mean I hat­ed the bas­tard but I still get my three days right?
Co-work­er: Right.

DWP
Bath­gate
Scot­land

11AM Fil­ing

Boss: All of these fold­ers need to be filed right away, but I can’t trust the desk guys to do it.

Tu­tor #1: Is­n’t that their job?

Boss: Yes, but they need to be filed al­pha­bet­i­cal­ly, and they can’t do that.

Tu­tor #1: They can’t file al­pha­bet­i­cal­ly?

Boss: Ap­par­ent­ly not. [Tu­tor #2] spent two hours yes­ter­day try­ing to put every­thing back in or­der.

Tu­tor #2, break­ing in­to laugh­ter: Is that what you thought I was do­ing? Shit!

Boss: What were you do­ing, then?

Tu­tor #2: I dropped my ring in the draw­er, and I had to take out all the fold­ers to find it! It took for­ev­er, too.

Boss: Did you at least put them back al­pha­bet­i­cal­ly when you were done?

Tu­tor $2: Are you on crack? That’s the desk guy’s job!

101 Brad­dock Road
Frost­burg, Mary­land

Over­heard by: Ren

Hav­ing Snook­ie As a Co-work­er Is No Piece Of Cake

Fe­male HR man­ag­er: I got so drunk last night, I slept in just my socks!
Dis­in­ter­est­ed fe­male cowork­er: Um­mm, good for you?
Fe­male HR man­ag­er: It’s one of my lev­els of drunk­en­ness. It means I’m re­al­ly drunk.
Dis­in­ter­est­ed fe­male cowork­er: Okay.
Fe­male HR man­ag­er: You know why I picked this long dress to wear to­day?
Dis­in­ter­est­ed fe­male cowork­er: Um­mm, no, why?
Fe­male HR man­ag­er, proud­ly: Be­cause I could skip the un­der­wear!
Hor­ri­fied fe­male cowork­er: (si­lence)
Fe­male HR man­ag­er: I think I might still be drunk.
Hor­ri­fied fe­male cowork­er: I’m start­ing to wish I was.

Great Val­ley, Penn­syl­va­nia

Over­heard by: every­body has their freak flag

Why Gay Porn Stars Are So Healthy

Gay hair­styl­ist: But peo­ple who have anal don’t get pros­trate can­cer…
Man­ag­er: They on­ly get he­m­or­rhoids.
Gay hair­styl­ist: That’s true, af­ter a while it looks like a cau­li­flower. But, any­way, we do not get prostate can­cer, be­cause the cock acts like a mas­sage ther­a­pist.
Man­ag­er: Ri­i­i­i­ight!

Sao Paulo
Brazil

As I Am

Bro­ker to re­al es­tate agent in train­ing: When you’re do­ing an open house you have to talk to every­body, no mat­ter how poor they look. You know, no mat­ter how black they are… if you’re racist.

Hunt­ing­ton, New York

Did I Men­tion the Hors­es in Gy­ne­co­log­i­cal Stir­rups?

Med­ical sci­en­tist #1: You know, they’ve got sheep in the base­ment…
Med­ical sci­en­tist #2: Our base­ment?!
Med­ical sci­en­tist #1: Yeah. It’s for heart surgery ex­per­i­ments. They bring them up for MRIs at night.
Med­ical sci­en­tist #2: There are sheep us­ing our MRI ma­chines?!
Med­ical sci­en­tist #1: Well, they’re on­ly small ones…

Hos­pi­tal, Flem­ing­ton Road
Parkville, Vic­to­ria
Aus­tralia