Archive for 2019

And They Al­ways Get Grumpy When I Wear My “Go Pales­tinini­ans!” Shirt.

Jew­ish ex­ec­u­tive: The CEO of [name] com­pa­ny is com­ing from Is­rael for ne­go­ti­a­tions.
Red­neck ex­ec­u­tive (ex­as­per­at­ed): I hate deal­ing with Is­raelis! They’re the hard­est peo­ple to ne­go­ti­ate with. They’re nev­er sat­is­fied with any deal you work out.
Jew­ish ex­ec­u­tive: (si­lence)
Red­neck ex­ec­u­tive: It’s like wa­ter tor­ture!
Pe­on: Um, I think that’s the Chi­nese.

San Ma­teo, Cal­i­for­nia

A Mis­guid­ed At­tempt to As­sert Al­pha Fe­male Sta­tus

Fe­male cowork­er #1: Are your poops big?
Fe­male cowork­er #2: Well, I don’t ex­act­ly ex­am­ine…
Fe­male cowork­er #1: Well, com­pare your big poop to some­thing in re­al life.
Fe­male cowork­er #2: This is ridicu­lous.
Fe­male cowork­er #1: No, I’m se­ri­ous.
Fe­male cowork­er #2: I don’t know, an egg?
Fe­male cowork­er #1: How many eggs?
Fe­male cowork­er #2: Three, four?
Fe­male cowork­er #1: Well, my big poop is like the size of a Nal­gene wa­ter bot­tle.

Glad­stone Av­enue & Gale­na Boule­vard
Au­ro­ra, Illi­nois

Over­heard by: Just Try­ing to Eat My Lunch

10AM Can­cel New Head­set Or­der

Em­ploy­ee: My head­set for my phone does­n’t work. Can I have a new one?
Su­per­vi­sor: Let me see that. Oh…you see what’s wrong? Some­times the da­ta can get caught in the phone line…so just straight­en the cord. That makes the voice da­ta come through more quick­ly and it won’t get all caught up.

11161 Mill Val­ley Road
Om­a­ha, Ne­bras­ka