Boss: I don’t need to see everything before it goes out the door. Just send me a final, final, rough draft.
Union Square
New York, New York
Archive for December, 2019
Management Zombies Also Eat the Brains of the Living
Office grunt: I don’t know where he gets it from… No, wait, I know where he gets it from — he sucks the energy of others.
Software office
Hauppauge, New York
Overheard by: Lauren
2PM Double Team Meeting
VP: So are you ready to service me yet?
Peon: Yes, I am ready to pleasure you now.
VP: Sounds good; is [Alex] ready too?
[Alex]: Yes, m’lady, I too am ready to provide you my services.
VP: Let’s go get started in the blue room, then.
8441 Wayzata Boulevard
Golden Valley, Minnesota
Overheard by: Sam Racadabra
The Board Voted “Neigh” on This Proposal
Female worker: That’s my cue to saddle up! (mimes mounting a horse)
Morris Plains, New Jersey
Overheard by: Intern in the next Cube
3PM More Resumes
Finance: There must be something in between “tax accountant” and
“undercover narc.”
156 W. 56th Street
New York, NY
Nah, Probably Just My Wife
Coworker #1: I can’t believe you would give someone a nickname like that!
Coworker #2: I thought you knew what a “pole smoker” was.
Coworker #1: No, I didn’t. And my mom didn’t think it was funny when my wife explained it to the family at Easter, either!
Coworker #2: So does that mean you’re going to change your screen name?
Evansville, Indiana
Psst– That’s a “No”
40-something guy: So are you working now?
Recent college grad, buying beer: What do you mean?
Mamaroneck, New York
Overheard by: An employee who knows what ‘work’ means b/c of these people
Your Editors Didn’t Know, Either.
Proofer: Is “situs” the right word there? I’m not sure what that is.
Actuary: Yes, I don’t know what that is either, but we’ve been using it consistently.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Will You Wear Your Corset and Shiny Black Boots Again?
HR woman on phone with rep at staffing agency: I will drive over there and I will smack you; and then I will fire you in front of your peers.
Marlborough, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Anony Mouse
Good — My Therapist Is Always Projectile-Diagnosing Me
Assistant: I don’t think you’re crazy. I may vomit on you, but I don’t think you’re crazy.
9050 Washington Boulevard
Culver City, California
