5PM Fi­nal­ly, the Week­end

Suit #1: How did your glass­es break?
Suit #2: A big girl sat on them.
Suit #1: Next time take them off your face first.

3 2nd Street
Jer­sey City, New Jer­sey

Over­heard by: Hobo Whis­per­er

I’m Just Try­ing to Be Po­lite

Hard­hat #1 yelling to bud­dy in crane: How’d you get to be so tall?
Hard­hat #2: In­san­i­ty.
Hard­hat #1: Shamu?
Hard­hat #2: No — in­san­i­ty.
Hard­hat #1: I can’t hear any­thing down here.

Uni­ver­si­ty of Arkansas
Fayet­teville, Arkansas

…I Told You Nev­er to Turn Your Back on Kinder­garten­ers.

Lawyer on phone to client: They’re fuckin’ you, Dave*. It’s a new way of fuck­ing, but they’re fuck­ing you.

Hunt­ing­ton, New York

Over­heard by: La­dy Lawyer

It Is Now

Of­fice mate #1: My broth­er’s girl­friend brought din­ner over last night.
Of­fice mate #2: Is it weird–since you guys are twins– that your broth­er’s girl­friend knows ex­act­ly what you look like naked?

San­ta Mon­i­ca, Cal­i­for­nia

“Ex­cept”?

Of­fice work­er on phone: Sharice* is the ul­ti­mate fly girl. Ex­cept for get­ting ar­rest­ed in Mi­a­mi.

Man­hat­tan, New York

Over­heard by: Class War­rior

My Ear­ly 20’s: En­cap­su­lat­ed.

Sexy pro­gram man­ag­er: Too late. It’s in my mouth.

Brook­lyn, New York

Over­heard by: casay­oto

You Mean Its Pub­lic Face or Its Seamy Un­der­bel­ly?

Cowork­er: There is a re­al­ly neat in­stal­la­tion art cen­ter in Om­a­ha.
Boss: What city in Om­a­ha?
Cowork­er: Uh… Om­a­ha.
Boss: Right, but what city?
Cowork­er: [Long pause] Hard to say.

Wood­haven, New York

Sit Tight– This Con­ver­sa­tion Could Go on All. Frig­gin. Day.

In­tern: You know, Michael Jack­son al­ways re­mind­ed me of Darth Vad­er.
Em­ploy­ee: Who?
In­tern: From Star Wars.
Em­ploy­ee: Wait, Michael Jack­son was in Star Wars?

Penn­syl­va­nia

Worst. 911 Op­er­a­tor. Ever.

Cowork­er on phone: Thank you for call­ing our com­pa­ny. How the hell may I help you now?

Man­hat­tan, New York

MC Ham­mer Begs to Dif­fer

Cowork­er: I can’t touch that.
Man­ag­er, walk­ing by: Whoah… Let him touch it!

Phoenix, Ari­zona