5PM Finally, the Weekend

Suit #1: How did your glasses break?
Suit #2: A big girl sat on them.
Suit #1: Next time take them off your face first.

3 2nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey

Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer 

I’m Just Trying to Be Polite

Hardhat #1 yelling to buddy in crane: How’d you get to be so tall?
Hardhat #2: Insanity.
Hardhat #1: Shamu?
Hardhat #2: No — insanity.
Hardhat #1: I can’t hear anything down here.

University of Arkansas
Fayetteville, Arkansas

…I Told You Never to Turn Your Back on Kindergarteners.

Lawyer on phone to client: They’re fuckin’ you, Dave*. It’s a new way of fucking, but they’re fucking you.

Huntington, New York

Overheard by: Lady Lawyer

It Is Now

Office mate #1: My brother’s girlfriend brought dinner over last night.
Office mate #2: Is it weird–since you guys are twins– that your brother’s girlfriend knows exactly what you look like naked?

Santa Monica, California

My Early 20’s: Encapsulated.

Sexy program manager: Too late. It’s in my mouth.

Brooklyn, New York

Overheard by: casayoto

You Mean Its Public Face or Its Seamy Underbelly?

Coworker: There is a really neat installation art center in Omaha.
Boss: What city in Omaha?
Coworker: Uh… Omaha.
Boss: Right, but what city?
Coworker: [Long pause] Hard to say.

Woodhaven, New York

Sit Tight– This Conversation Could Go on All. Friggin. Day.

Intern: You know, Michael Jackson always reminded me of Darth Vader.
Employee: Who?
Intern: From Star Wars.
Employee: Wait, Michael Jackson was in Star Wars?

Pennsylvania

Worst. 911 Operator. Ever.

Coworker on phone: Thank you for calling our company. How the hell may I help you now?

Manhattan, New York

We Are the Police Department, So I’m Guessing Somebody Does

Worker: Hey, it’s Friday! You should go drink something in the lounge before you leave. Almost everyone’s in a meeting. I’ve already had two beers.
Intern: Haha, um… I’m actually underage.
Worker: Oh, who cares?

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: not in meeting

This Is So Much Better Than Having On-Site Tech Support

Woman on phone with tech support: Yes, ma’am, I am in front of my computer. That’s how I know it’s frozen.

Navy Yard
Washington, DC